Posted in Favorite things, Places

Ramadan Sunrises and This Eid

Twelfth Ramadan
Thirteenth Ramadan

Fifteenth Ramadan
Nineteenth Ramadan
Twenty-sixth Ramadan
The Thin Crescent, end of Ramadan🥺
Slowly Rising in Twenty-seventh Ramadan
Goes into hiding
Then, comeback bold and strong
Twenty eighth Ramadan
Twenty ninth Ramadan
Ramadan Finale
Beautiful Colors Palette

I found comfort standing in front of the window watching the beautiful sky before starting the day. This Ramadan skies have been so breath-takingly beautiful.

This year Eid is also another year of pandemic Eid. But, unlike last year in London, we got proper vibe this year. Always love this time of the year when the house are all clean and the smell of sedap malam are around.

It’s been few years since ketupat is absent. Our little family is not really a big fan of ketupat and its companions. So, we didn’t really miss it. When we moved out, we could decide and fit the dish to our own taste. Last year we went with Lamb Shank. This year it’s Hungarian Beef Goulash. This dish was one of my mom’s finest dishes. The doctor tried to recreate it for this year Eid.

This Ramadan so far is one of the best Ramadan done in few years. Full ifthar at home, except one day at in-laws house. This year, the little girl finally had a chance to experience the real Ramadan vibe. She has already passed her target for this Ramadan.

She was fasting half day on the first ten days, three-quarter day on the second ten days, and finally the last ten, she did it until maghrib. Surprisingly, she enjoyed fasting a lot. She kept doing her usual schedule like gym class, art class, playing in the playground. Surprisingly again, she did sahur effortlessly. No drama, easily wake up and eat without any complaints. She kept saying several times that she was sad that Ramadan and the rituals were gone. She did full 30 days of tarawih. That was again, beyond the plan. If this Ramadan is an OWL test in Harry Potter, then her mark would be Exceed Expectation.

I pray nothing but may Allah keep such spirit inside her heart and hope that our fasting and prayer are all accepted. Another pray spelled whole-heartedly for us being granted a chance to meet the next Ramadan.

Amin. Amin. Amin.

So long, the best time of the year.

Eid Mubarak!

Jakarta, 30 Ramadan 1422H.

Posted in Books, Favorite things

What Eid Cleaning Brings

1. Reading corners around the house.

2.Happy feeling of having tidy and sparkling house.

Days after Eid Cleaning are those days when I wish everyone could just sleep on the floor or on the carpet. Using kitchen is prohibited. Toys are all locked. Everything should stay clean, clear, and perfectly neat as they are until Eid day.

Mais, bien sur, c’est impossible.

Posted in Thoughts

A Boiling Kettle

It was only last week I wrote about online lesson here and today I felt the strong urge to throw another ranting about this.

Today was the second online lesson with the new teacher from some school and I was already far too dissapointed. Lesson should be done for 20 minutes and it was so unbelievable that the teacher abruptly ended it ten minutes earlier. How, how in the world, someone who’s profesionally paid to do the job could behave so unprofesionally? More, she is with a well-known special education school.

When I brought this through text her reply was even more dissapointing. Said that because it was only for the beginning so it could end earlier.

What?

The lesson is only for 20 minutes and she even wanted to shorten it? I felt like boiling kettle when I read the reply.

I couldn’t help sending an email to the school about this. I might sound so annoying over 10 minutes. But, should we always be tolearable for what is wrong in this country? Those 10 minutes were ours. We paid for that.

This place is one of the places in this country which I considered run by people who highly held their reputation and credibility in special field education. Or so I thought. Giving the student the right amount of time they deserve for the lesson is the most basic thing they should do.

But, today, from one of their representatives, it was clearly shown, keeping the standard could be their serious homeworks to do. We might be just the unlucky one to meet such teacher. But, if it’s not us, it could happen to other student.

It might sound snobbish, but after all things happened last year, looking from afar, compared to other societies, and again, reading a lot, we really have serious problems about the basics in our society.

We really have problem in making, meeting, and doing the basics right. From a simple thing like being on time, not taking other’s belonging, be it time or things, we truly have problems on that. As I wrote in this long post last year, for me, the story above is just a tiny return of investment from our education system.

Remember, we don’t only pay for what we did, but more importantly, we pay also for what we didn’t do.

It’s quite frustrating living in this untrustable society. We couldn’t really depend on the smallest thing like they will give what we deserve after paid for something. I’ve known for long that we could never have a trustable government even until 100 years later, but, deep inside, I still spare some hope for the people.

We tried our best to teach the little girl about the basics for these first years of her life. Both basic values and basic skills. One of the reasons I stay with her because I don’t want to outsource such important job that would become the foundation that she will bring for the rest of her life. We have no nanny, partly because we try to minimalize the chance for her to see examples that might not suit our values (other than I couldn’t stand the drama, of course).

Although I (and we) lack of many things, at least, she deals with the lacking standard of her parents, not others. There is still some chance to change and improve ourselves for her sake, but it will be too much hardwork (without guaranteed result) or might be close to impossible to ask others to change and suit themselves with our values, no matter how much we pay for them.

We’ve tried our best to choose well the ‘village’ she’s growing up in, within our power. Choosing the residence area, school, and the extracurriculars activities carefully, hoping she will meet, at least, the people who value similar important things. Hoping the hardwork done at home could be applied too outside.

This dissappointment is quite heart-breaking for me. It could mean another battle questioning to stay or leave and start again from zero. Worse, not knowing where to go anymore.

I feel like replaying the scene few years back when I threw a tantrum in one of the SLT’s places where the person in charge was busy looking at his phone for 45 minutes out of 60 minutes of the session. He just neglected the little girl, let her doing nothing. Maybe that was the first time I confronted someone directly. Loud and clear.

If there’s any new things that I discovered after motherhood, the silent and conflict-avoidance in me could turn into a boiling kettle when it is about my child. Only now I fully understand everything that my mother had been done for me in some situations regarding my problems in the past.

But, my mother was born a boiling kettle, unlike me who’s more like a teapot. It really takes a huge amount of courage to transform from a teapot to boiling kettle. I am totally i uncomfortable being a boiling kettle. Being loud, fussy and noisy to strangers are not my forte. But, it seems the only way to be heard.

I still refuse to lower my standard for the basics, because I don’t want the little girl to go even lower just for the sake of adjusting to other people. I don’t want her to ‘accept’ it is okay for being 5 minutes late, it is okay to take other’s belonging, be it time or things, I want her to keep on the track as much as she can, to do what’s right, not easy.

And those are one toughest job to do.

I hope the boiling kettle inside of me won’t be used often in the future. But, when I have to, I hope the sound will be nice and clear, and only serve those who deserve it.

Posted in Thoughts

Unschooling

Been stuffing my head with the idea of homeschooling since last year.

Since the lockdown days in London, been looking for some alternative other than conventional school. Been eyeing some of well-known homeschool institution and even contacted few of them.

For some, homeschooling is moving the classroom at ordinary school to home or to other institution that provides the similar thing like school, inviting the teachers and learning take place as it is at school, only with more flexible schedule.

The more I read and see examples, especially the homeschool parents from other countries, it turns out that homeschooling is much bigger than that. Just like what we’re currently doing right now is one of the genre of homeschooling called UNSCHOOLING.

I was once first heard and learned about unschooling during master degree 10 years ago. At that time, the idea of this unschooling sounded so absurd. How come there were parents that allow their children to be out of school?

But as always, we judge what we don’t know.

Unschooling here means the children is not registered to any formal institution, whether it’s school or homeschool one. But, unschooling doesn’t mean not learning.

Unschooling means learning takes place in so many other form beside paper and pencil, desk and table, books and blackboard, behind any classroom wall, beyond any zoom call.

Learning in unschooling could happen in a form of conversation, playing lego, playing in the playground, baking a cake, going to grocery, watching other people, and so many things that don’t seem like the definition of learning that I used to know.

From one of unschooling parents on the Instagram

For someone who lives by the schedule and rule in certain part, this unschooling is liberating because the only schedule rules to follow are our own. We’re free to decide what we want to do, when, how, and the best part, we’re free to decide what we don’t want to do.

We stick for strict schedules when it comes to basics. For the basics, compulsory daily schedule is running 7 days a week. Which basics? We define our own basics. Things that we think are important to master, values that we hold dear and want her to carry.

In unschooling, learning could also happen in some places that are more useful for life skills or new experience like sending letter through post office, saving her own money in the bank, using ATM and shopping with her own card, going to library or park, being in charge for fruits picking and bring them to the counter to be weighed during our weekly grocery shopping.

Conversations also become an interesting medium for learning. Few times, the conversations we have during short drive to some place that give me some ideas about the lesson. The many ‘whys’ she asked, although sometimes it cause headache, some are quite thought-provoking.

It is liberating because during the pandemic, it eliminates the obligation to sit (boringly) facing the screen for zoom meeting, to attend something daily that might be not really interesting. To do some homeworks that has no useful purpose.

Have we tried? We have and after survived one and once, as long as we still have choice and can choose, making this little girl sitting for few hours listening to some talking, that would be the last thing we want to do. The precious time could be enjoyed better by playing outside, drawing, swimming, going to eat ice cream, skateboarding. Even playing those interesting and educational games she has on the tablet seems a better idea.

We have our offline classes twice a week for gym class and art class. We choose to do it privately and so far, it works well. The only online class she does is piano, which we have no choice other than that. But again, in piano, she has an offline teacher 7 days a week. That what makes online lesson acceptable.

Maybe, the last five months of unschooling fit the newly announced jargon from the ministry, ‘merdeka belajar’ well.

Initially, we’re doing this unschooling to fill the gap between months before new academic year starts in few months. But now, I slowly think that this could be an alternative IF , something might happen in ordinary school setting.

What kind of something?

Something that makes her excitement for learning, curiosity towards new things, and good attitude in studying dissapeared.

I want to try my best for her not to be part of this gloomy news from new released PISA report.

“More than two thirds of students in Indonesia are presented with a fixed mindset”.
Sitting on the last three from the bottom for the percentage of students with growth mindset.

I am more than realized how much privileged we are to be able to write from this point of view.

Happy National Education day!

Posted in Books, Favorite things, Places

Bookhive and The Small Park

An idea popped up yesterday. As always, the impulsive plan often works better than the detailed one.

A newly open mini library drawed my attention to visit it. It is located near one of the parks, so we could have two spots in one visit.

It was only 20 minutes drive from home. The mini library is actually a mini cupboard with books. People can donate or borrow, or just have a quick reading on the bench next to the it.

We came around 9 am and it was quite empty. We spent around 20 minutes there and read a children book together. The collections are not that varied, I didn’t find something that interest me to be brought home. But, it is indeed a good idea.

The Little Reader

Done with the library, we went to the park. We were required to fill in the book and we had the whole park for ourselves. The little girl was quite fascinated with the geese. I reminded her that the geese here were unlike those in London. So, I told her to keep distance from them. She kept going near and at certain distance, the geese started approaching her. Yesterday’s checked experience : chased by the geese.

We walked around the park, stopped in some bench, took off our shoes in therapeutic stones, the playground was still sealed, sat down and watched the small pond while having some talks. Since not many things we could do, after 30 minutes, we decided to return.

Although it was short and small, it felt nice to enjoy the outdoor park properly once again. We should have brought the skateboard and book for next visit.

Cheers for more easily accessible libraries and good park and playground around the town!

Posted in Thoughts

On Time di Les Online

Menjalani hampir setahun les piano online baik di London maupun di Jakarta, salah satu hal penting yang paling berbeda itu adalah ketepatan waktunya.

Buat saya (atau kami), jam mulai yang disepakati itu berarti jam dimulainya pelajaran. Bukan waktu baru siap-siap online. Kami biasanya dan sebisa mungkin selalu sudah standby minimal 5 menit sebelumnya. Maksud standby di sini adalah sudah login dan rekues masuk, bukan baru siap-siap ambil posisi. Jadi, sudah duduk manis siap mulai belajar.

Di London, dengan dua guru yang berbeda, dua belah pihak sama-sama sudah online beberapa menit sebelumnya (dengan Skype). Tapi, les selalu di mulai tepat jam yang disepakati. Hampir ngga pernah lebih awal. Anak saya kalo sudah duduk selalu nanya, “Can we call now?”, yang mana selama belum persis menitnya, saya pasti larang karena belum hak kita. Kalo soal jam selesai sering lebih sedikit atau pas sekali sesuai jadwal.

Di Jakarta, hari pertama les piano dengan gurunya di Jakarta, saya dengan terpaksa sekali ‘meminta’ dengan sedikit keras kepada gurunya bahwa les di mulai jam 15.20, artinya kami sudah standby minimal 5-10 menit sebelumnya. Ketika dia baru mengizinkan kami masuk jam.15.25, brarti kami sudah menunggu 15 menit. Saya ngga mau dari awal dianggap 5 menit itu belum telat (seperti budaya orang Indonesia pada umumnya). Buat kami 5 menit dari waktu yang disepakati itu lamaaaa sekali. Ini pun ngga bagus buat anak saya.

Rasa gelisah saya ketika sudah jam mulai tapi belum mulai-mulai itu terserap oleh makhluk kecil di sebelah. Penyataan yang secara ngga sadar terlontar seperti ,”Mana nih, udah jam segini” diserap dan les-les berikutnya ketika sudah jam mulai, tapi belum mulai, dia udah bisa nanya “Why we haven’t started?”

Belum lagi yang suka agak menggangu, ketika pas sudah waktunya, tau-tau di wa internetnya bermasalah. Oke mungkin ngga bisa dihindari, tapi paling tidak ada ‘kompensasi’ di akhir misalnya dengan penambahan waktu yang hilang. Tapi di sini 5 menit itu dianggap bukan hal yang dianggap penting. Jadi, agak sulit memang.

Dalam saat seperti ini, ngga terlalu banyak pilihan. Kompromi jadi satu-satunya pilihan. Meskipun saya ngga ingin telat 2-3 menit jadi dianggap hal ‘biasa’ oleh anak saya.

Tepat waktu memang bukan budaya (kebanyakan) orang Indonesia. Tapi, dalam hal ini kita mau dan bisa punya pilihan untuk ngga jadi (bagian dari kebanyakan) orang Indonesia.

Posted in Thoughts

What (Not) Meant to be Yours..

Ramadan often brings a sudden craving in the middle of the day.

This afternoon was self-made es teler. The thought of sweet avocado, jackfruit, and nata de coco mixed with condensed milk and cold ice seemed a good idea and tempting.

Right after the little girl had her ifthar in Dzuhur, off we went to the supermarket. We directly went to fruit area. Looking for it everywhere then asked the woman on the counter, and she said, no avocado for today.

Hm☹.

I saw jackfruit few days ago and looked for it today. Sadly, it was no longer available too.

Well, it looked like es teler wasn’t for me today.

When I was ready to go out without buying anything, the eyes bumped into a pack of corn frites and it looked good. When the hands already picked one pack, the little girl asked,

“What for? we had it yesterday”.

“I like it. We can keep it”.

An Indian man happened to hear our conversation and asked what was this thing. So I explained. He saw another package of fried sweet potato and asked if that one was good as well.

Since he asked me, I recommended only the corn frites while sweet potato, it depended on his preference.

He took two corn frites and put them on his basket.

While I passed the area of spices, the eyes saw a pack of the most favorite fruit which is quite hard to find.

Packages of sawo. There were six of them. Without second thought, took two packages and went to look for something else in another aisle. I wanted to take three actually, but it might be not the right thing to do.

When I had everything I need, we passed the sawo once again and I stood for a while.

They said, it’s better to feel sorry because you buy it than feel sorry because you don’t. Beside that, what’s the big deal with sawo? I could eat it as much as I can.

So I took another package.

“What for? you have already had two!”

As usual, the little girl needed to question everything.

“It’s hard to find sawo. I can keep it on the fridge”.

We headed to cashier and it happened the Indian man was checking out his groceries when he saw me and took few step backward and looked at my basket and asked,

“What is this?”

“Oh this is sawo fruit. very sweet and nice. But it’s hard to find,”

” I want this one too”.

“Oh, you can find them near the fresh spices area”.

He looked confused and suddenly I understood.

“Ah, you want one package from mine? Go ahead, you can have one”.

without any second thought he chose one from my basket and said a request to the cashier,

“Can you put hers to my bill? I will pay hers as well”.

to which I responded no.

He still looked unsure but continued to pay his stuffs.

When he finished with everything, he looked back once again and said,

“I will pay yours,”.

“No thank you, it’s okay. Thanks for the offer”.

“Then, thank you so much”.

When I remembered I couldn’t help smiling thinking how funny things work sometimes. Something that you really wanted, right in front of your eyes, already in your hands, been thinking twice or thrice to buy it, few steps away to have it, but, it still flew away.

Imam Al-Ghazali once reminded us with one of his famous sayings :

What’s meant for you will reach you even if it’s beneath two mountains, and what’s not meant for you won’t reach you even if it’s between your two lips.

And that third package of sawo was something that wasn’t meant for me from the beginning until the end.

Posted in Thoughts

Languishing

The tone the last few posts brings described the state where the writer is too sane to be called depressed, but too ’empty’ to do anything other that just passing the day. Something like written in this post, this one or this one.

A feeling when there is nothing wrong outside yet it feels so tense inside.

Bumped into a New York Times article written by Adam Grant, then it’s such a relief that what happened inside has a name.

Adam Grant called languishing as the neglected middle child of mental health.

It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functioning at full capacity.

There were times it felt like PMS yet the hollow feeling stayed even after the period ended.

It was confusing and it wasn’t easy to tell others how it felt when you didn’t really understand too what this kind of emotion inside.

There were times when I kept questioning my self, “Does it really and only exist in my head?”

Turned out it doesn’t.

Been doing what can be done to deal with this feeling. Things that similar to what the article suggested.

Let see how it goes.

But, at least now I can answer the question “How are you?” more accurately than “good” or “hm, not sure”.

A full article about Languishing here.

Posted in Books, Thoughts

The Hidden Victim

(Currently on a period of releasing the rantings that have been sitting nicely on the draft folder for some time. Waiting for their turn to be moved to the ‘published’ section).

For someone who consistently read many stuffs (which caused constantly overthink many things), there are certain times that feel the amount of worry seems piling up to the ceiling. As the result, it brings me to the state of being unhappy.

The biggest one is surely comes from the one(s) that matters the most. Few months of lockdown in this city, it’s not only makes me exhausted mentally, but also frustrated since no single clear plans ahead, especially about the education.

The most forgotten ones during this pandemic in this country is indeed the children.

It’s been a year since the school closure but this SUBH government seems doing nothing significant and clear to (try hard) to reopen the school.

Opening school has been a long discussion without any real actions to really make it happen. Children can go roaming in the mall, restaurants, holiday attractions, but not school, or even park.

It’s quite heart-breaking whenever the little girl keeps saying that she has prepared everything for her first day of school in July. Been asking continously how long it will take until July.

The school here has been closed for too long. The lost of learning is huge. Some parents said they’d rather wait until it’s safe. I agree, if it’s just only 3-6 months.

But, it’s been almost 1,5 years!!

No other countries totally closed the school for such long period.

Other countries have been opening their school since last year with careful measurement and precautions, in between lockdowns, hybrid between online and offline, doing whatever way that works to make the children return to the school.

Some of them like Australia and New Zealand, doing it without vaccine, without making mask compulsory for the children. They’re just using their brain, their heart, and their money carefully to prevent deaths and to protect everyone.

While here,what we have is the leaders who are busy doing any trivial things. Attending the youtuber wedding is more preferable than checking and helping the preparations of the school to re-open the door for the kids or any other disasters happened in this country.

School closure might be unavoidable for some time, but what even worse here, the absence of the basic children rights :

Lack of green space.

Unfriendly pedestrian walk.

No proper outdoor playground around the city.

Isn’t it too frustrating?😭😭😭

This pandemic not only brings more inequalities between the haves and the lowers economically, but also the gap between the children’s education. I am not talking about Jakarta only.

It’s nothing about the lost of tangible skills, like reading or counting, but the lost of love for learning, socializing, being with the children at their age, playing outdoor, not trapped 24 hours with their parents.

It costs so much too for the parents. Surely we love our children, but even lovers need holiday, far away from each other said The Chicago.

It’s true that handling this pandemic is far from easy. But, it doesn’t mean it can’t be done. But just like John Ewing wrote in the article :

“Balancing livelihoods against lives can be agonizingly complicated. It requires clear, precise thinking”.

Clear and precise thinking, things that are totally absence from those people up there from the very beginning of this pandemic.

The price of such absence is fully paid by its people. Worse, the finish line is nowhere to be seen.

We’re currently heading to the second wave of the pandemic while out there, most people think we have done with this pandemic.

Stay safe and stay sane are still the only best thing that we can do for now.

-A long rant from a frustrated parent and citizen-.

Here’s one podcast which explains about how this pandemic takes a huge toll on the children’s education in this country.

Posted in Books, Maternité, Thoughts

It’s Not About You

It takes almost seven years with all the ups and downs until I realized something about raising a child : It’s absolutely not about us, the parents.

The more time I spend with this little girl and saw several total differences between us, I reminded myself often, she’s not me. She loves something that I am 100% not into like make up, art and white milk. She is pretty good at something that I wasn’t at her age like playing piano and math.

The return to the bulk of readings after years of absence, moving to London, and become almost a total stay at home mother, all since last year, change so many point of views.

I thought knowing lots of things about children, in theory and some practices, were enough to make everything run smoothly.

In reality, how little did I know and how much that I still have to learn. The more I read, the smaller I feel. Even in certain parts, I felt like being cornered and pushed to throw my previous view and replaced it with something which I have zero knowledge about it.

I felt like halfly dragged out of my ‘bubble’ and shown a complete different sea about children and their development.

One of the best things London brings is the chance to see and live with so many different people, yet, it feels like we are all the same. Unlike me, who had grown up in almost similar environment from elementary to high school, even college, I loved how diverse the little girl’s school there.

She played with so many different kids from different cultures. The British, African, Chinese, Spanish, French, Finnish, Arabic, Italian, and so were the teachers. She was the only Indonesian there. Nobody really cared about where one came from. They just played together.

In her school also, I was able to witness how disabilities, whether it is visible or invisible got equal treatment. No one really cared if you have disability or not, in a good way. I remembered a girl in a wheel chair at her school. The most noticeable thing that I remembered from her was nothing about her disability, but…

her confidence.

She looked so bright and nice. The way she talked to others, it was so pleasant to see. The other important thing to notice was how the school community treated her. I didn’t witness any pity looks either from her friends or the teachers.

Once, I saw her when she wanted to pass through the door and a teacher and a student were there. What did they do? They hold the door until she went through, but nothing about ‘helping’ her so she could do it faster.

They waited.

I really thought that was just the right amount of help. They knew she could do it by herself, so they didnt came to her to push the wheel chair, instead they chose to hold the door.

She wasn’t the only one. I saw several others kids with visible disabilities and saw similar vibe from them. For someone with learning difficulties like her, the amount of help received was beyond our expectation.

That was one eye opening experience for me, until we (I) decided that she might need a different school than what I had already had in my mind before. About the school, maybe a separate post would be good.

I looked back often in raising her. Previously, it was because I wanted to do as what my mom did, but then, I realized, not all of it was applicable. The more I realized I wasn’t my mom and my little girl wasn’t me, the more I feel better in raising her differently.

I followed the basics which I considered universal and important like sleeping and eating, but became quite relaxed in other things.

I did totally different thing in things that I considered important but not really happened in the time I grew up, like apologizing. Showing that we, the parents, can make mistake and we will apologize if we do that.

Days are not always rainbow, but when we are angry to her, we try our best to avoid silence treatment. We talked about it right away and explained why.

I didn’t say that my parents were doing things wrong. Just like me, I think, we just did what we thought the best within our power and knowledge, at that time.

This is why I said in one of my previous posts, it’s the parents who have lots of homeworks to do, not the kids.

It’s not an easy job to change the mindset. To become more mindful about how everything we do, even the simplest one, will have certain impact to the child, bad or good.

Currently reading a book called ‘Special’ where some pages pinched me a little but quite hurt inside, like this :

Every birthday, I always write two wishes, for her to be always healthy and happy. But, yes, I write that with certain scenario inside my head. How kind of healthy and happy I imagune for her, based on my experience and thinking. Years before motherhood, I really thought parenting is about repeating the cycle. Your child will just have to follow what the parents choose for them,then, it’s done. Until the next cycle begins.

But, for the last few years the game has changed a lot. My daughter has been going through lots of things that I didn’t, AT ALL. In good and challenging ways. Before seven, she has been to many places, meeting and playing with lots of different kids, exposed to kind of weather and cultures, talk and think in totally different language than mine.

There’s no way raising her with the same mindset like my parents would work.

It reminds me of Kahlil Gibran’s famous poem The Prophet :

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might.

His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable

I feel like needing constant reminder whenever it feels frustrating because I keep pushing something only from my point of view.

But, there’s one thing that should be remembered : we’re not only raising a child, but also a future adult.

Tricky bussiness indeed.

Lastly, a closing page, still from ‘Special’ summed it well :

Bear these in mind, you.

It’s her who has been doing a good job so far, and you ride along.

So, take credits, but not too much.

Feel guilty, but never too much too.