Posted in Thoughts

Patience O Meter

Three valid indicators that can be used to measure someone’s patience :

1. When the internet doesn’t work.

2. Feeding an infant from the beginning until the end, three times a day, for a whole year.

3. Teaching your own children. About Anything.

Hopefully, no one has to deal with all those three at once.

Posted in Thoughts

Behind the Spotlight

Observing what happens around myself and the closest family since a long time makes me rarely impressed about people.

I can be impressed by so many little things about nature, but not people.

It maybe because people could behave so differently when they’re outside around strangers and when they’re around the ones who should matter the most.

Rarely impressed with any achievements, titles, or story about flashy careers, but always more curious about the real life behind that.

Being a mother 8 years ago made me realize that there’s no such thing as balance between work and life. Just like a see-saw on the playground, it doesn’t work when the see-saw stays on the middle.

To make it work, it should go up and down continuously. It means when you put your focus and energy on one thing, it would be on the high while the other would be on the lower part.

That was what happened on the first year of motherhood. I thought working part time while taking care the baby myself was possible. But, as soon as she arrived, life pushed me to choose without middle ground.

It was unimaginable before that I should do my resignation no longer after she came. Because I had no choice and I had to choose. Knowing what’s important helped a lot in making such decision.

Luckily, I still had my second work which was less demanding. But, weirdly, at certain point, I came to realize that I even had to compromise on this. Not completely gave it up, but to reduce the working hours significantly. Nothing prepared me that taking care a single tiny human being could take so much energy.

I hate not having enough money to afford more than my basic needs, but, turned out I couldn’t stand more how I behave behind the spotlight when I was too tired doing things with the spotlight.

I realized that being under the spotlight, where I have to behave, dressed and talked properly in front of people left me with close to zero energy when the light was off.

The result was I became even more short-tempered than before and projected to one who didn’t deserve it.

Reducing the time under the spotlight helped a lot. I might have less money, but I had time and space to do the more important things that I had to do, and I could sleep at night without the lingering guilt on my head. It was priceless.

Observing closest people around me, I found quite similar pattern. Those who are nice to other people outside could be such a monster to their people inside. Those who are seen as a good family man in other’s point of view were the dishonest ones to their own family. Those who seems to excel much on the work are the same people who tend to neglect the children and their house is messy. Those who seem could afford things to display outside are the same people who could be so ignorant when it comes to pay their own meal on family dinner.

Accidentally found this Clip and it feels so relatable with this post.

How true the hadist from the Prophet that said, “ The best of you are the best to their families, and I am the best to my family”.

Thus, I couldn’t help taking pinches of salt for every flashy display about something. Knowing how ones do behind the spotlight becomes a better way to judge a character.

The real one.

Posted in Thoughts

Mind the Gap

Mind the Gap is a daily phrase heard in London Rails.

In literal meaning, it’s a reminder to be careful about the gap between the train and the platform.

In deeper meaning, it’s also a good reminder to deal with life.

There will always be a gap between life we currently have and one that we aim to, between dreams inside the head and the heart and many obstacles to achieve them, and many more.

It could be one of the things that makes us wake up excitedly everyday, because we have gap(s) to work on and it’s nice to close the gap as much as possible.

Whenever my heart wants to take the easy way, being complacent instead of consistent, duck out from any commitments instead of showing up, the brain always tells me to mind the gap.

Based on years of experiences riding many kind of public transportations, it’s always easier and it feels safer to step and to move between the ride and the platform when gap is narrow like ones in MRT or most of London trains than when the gap is too wide (which is quite scary for me) like most of TransJakarta or KRL platforms.

Such a motivational post on this half busy-half lazy Sunday.

Posted in Thoughts

After The Funeral

This is not about a book from Agatha Christie.

Unavoidably, the last few days had been spent by witnessing one of historical events happened this year. The passing of the longest monarch who had been around for almost 100 years was not something that we would see again in our lifetime.

Instead of feeling sad about the passing queen, or admiring the long queue of people who were voluntarily standing for hours to pay their respects, what made me relate more to this event was the aftermath. Something that would be experienced by the the closest family, whose life would be greatly affected by such big loss.

I am talking about that empty feeling after the funeral. Certain emotion that hit you after dealing with loud funeral with so many people around then returning to silent home.

Day one after funeral would be the hardest because you’re entering a new different life. A day without your loved one that had always been around. You felt her/his presence everywhere and tears would be flowing easily in any situation that reminds you of her/him.

There were days when you kept questioning yourself whether this was real or not. There were days and nights when you suddenly woke up in the middle of sleeping or just looking around your home trying to accept that she was no longer here.

Even there were times when you were outside, for me it was driving, when suddenly emotional breakdown attacked. You might want to find some available parking spot so you could cry for a while because it was too dangerous to keep going.

We would grieve less and less as the time goes by, but it would never go away. Life goes one with a huge void inside the heart that would remain forever.

A page from Tuesday with Morrie explained it well :

100%.

It is the tenth year from the biggest plot twist of my life in 2012, no single Friday passed without thinking about the day I lost my mother.

“Grief is the price we pay for love”

Indeed.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

The Compliment

“You’re so grouchy like Oscar”

“You’re the grouchiest mom in a whole universe”.

“You’re the toughest mom ever!“

Kind of compliment I get daily, especially during morning routines, when we do what we (okay, I) consider the most important things.

But, I brace myself already, don’t I?

(Not really, actually).

The number one (parenting) critic

Posted in Books, Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

Brace Myself

Pre-teen period is here and soon the teenager years are coming.

We fear what we don’t know and I am scared.

I know for sure she would change a bit by bit, physically, emotionally, and the suddenly no more the little girl that I used to know and somehow I am absolutely not ready for this.

There would be time when all the things that we have been planting or missed to nurture, will soon show its results.

Everything we have done will comeback and everything we neglect will attack.

Since few years ago, I have realized how parents have so little time to be with their kids yet so much homeworks to do.

Knowing all the homeworks that should be done is a good thing because many don’t even know what they are and don’t even bother to find out.

But, knowing is not enough. Doing it is what we have to do, and boy, that is so hard.

For the past three years, we have been consistently doing all the hard things first in the morning. We eat all the frogs before anything else . We spare all morning for the non-negotiables. Seven days a week.

Doing is an uphill job. It’s a job against gravity and we know how hard to go against it. But, I am too scared to imagine the consequences of not doing it just because they are hard.

And I don’t want to pay anything in the future just because I prefer being complacent in the present.

May the whys would always be stronger than any excuses available.

Amin.

No Limits-John Maxwell

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

Meaningful Learning

An annual school program called Pekan Kebangsaan which held every year around 🇮🇩 Independence week. They choose one or two provinces and learn all about the cultures. From their food, songs, nature, and everything.

This year goes to Papua and Maluku. What I thought it might be boring since they did it online, turned out to be so wrong.

Instead of boring, the impact stays longer and better than expected, for this girl.

Been singing two songs that taught which were Apuse and Rasa Sayange non stop daily for the past two weeks. Remembered each meaning of word in Apuse as explained in one of the sessions.


Yesterday, in between my nap time, I listened to countless singing sessions until her interest triggered me to take a children song book that have been kept for a long time in the drawer.

I gave a book where she could play both songs with the piano. She stayed there for a while, playing both songs while singing.

It reminded me of Ausubel Meaningful learning Theory in reality.

“Learned information is completely understood and can now be used to make connections with other previously known knowledge, aiding in further understanding and to higher level of application”.

That “I am getting the hang of it” in middle of rest sign in Apuse😂
Posted in Thoughts

More is Better

When it comes to writing, the tagline is true. There were so many times that I felt either tense or light-hearted that the only thing I could think of was to pour down everything into a writing, clicked this app, stared at the blank screen for few minutes, yet words didn’t came easily and ended up leaving the page.

My draft is quite full of empty space with bold untitled title on the top of it.

I wish to be able to store as many as possible things happen in daily life so I could revisit the memories later. The daily conversations I had with little girl, her remarks on certain situations, her response to my questions, the observation during my morning walk, things that I see along the way, the struggle to keep all the routines daily and how I try to keep reassuring and reasoning with the beast inside the head that this is what I have to do for now.

What might help is having a specific time to do it. When it comes to reading, it feels easier to make some time and it has been automatically done during waiting or just anything. I read daily and it feels easy.

Maybe because reading is more about consuming. That is undeniably easier than writing which is an act of producing something from scratch.

Maybe the first thing that needs to be done is find the why. The reason why this is important. Set a clear intention to do this. Maybe one of the reasons I still don’t do it because no clear whys about this. No wonder the hadits said, “every action is judged based on its intention”.

Then, the next most important principle in forming any habits is to Make It Easy. Because who wants to do hard thing if it’s not compulsory? Why should we make life harder by doing something uncomfortable when there’s no obligation to do it and no consequences for leaving it behind?

Surely, talking is cheap. Doing is another thing.

Hopefully soon after this, I could do more of the walk than just the talk.

Chant the mantra: “More is better”.

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

August (never) Slipped Away

August never slipped away.

It has always been loud, tough, painful and make sure its presence got full attention and whole energy to deal with until the very end of it.

But, August too shall pass.
Some ended with flying colors,
Some stayed insanely cruel.

The last day of August yesterday was maybe one of the highest after three months dealing with many kind of hurdles at work. Closed the month with the highest sales ever for the past five years. But, that was not the ultimate thing that made me feel happy.

It was the feeling of knowing that I didn’t retreat from the battlefield when things went hard and dealt with every single thing that was being thrown to my face, no matter how painful and emotionally draining they were, that was truly fulfilling.

A page that truly resonates well with me after finishing all the responsibilities in August.

Although it’s far from professional, This August showed that I am obviously more than an amateur and don’t let any weather stopping me from showing up and working on something that is important to me.

Looking back to this post, glad the answer (so far) is I did it.

When things get hard later, which is likely to be, I’ll return to this August to remind myself once again.

Posted in Favorite things, Places, Thoughts

Where to Play Outdoor in Jakarta Part II

We had a lot of outdoor hours this week since school was going online. Outdoor is getting rare these days, so whenever we could, we would!

Here are some options where to go in this city :

1. TAMAN SITU LEMBANG, Menteng.

My most favorite park. It is quiet, empty and perfect place to take a nap while the little girl wander around by herself.

Nasi Uduk with some view!

2. Ancol and Allianz Eco Park

As usual, staycation idea always strikes suddenly. Long awaited reunion after endless question of “can we go to the beach?” finally answered after three years from this trip.

For now, this was the best answer we could afford.

Warm morning on the 77th Birthday
Done enjoying empty beach, moved to an empty park when more crowds were coming.
Met a beauty along the way.

3. TEBET ECO PARK (For the 3rd time)

The park finally reopened after being closed for whole two months. Now, they make the visitors to register through an app before the visit, which is a good idea. Previously, this looked more like a crowded market full of people than a beautiful park.

People came with so many absurd ideas like having a school farewell party with loud speaker and sound system, children dance and singing show which were very far from entertaining, a large group of arisan which was very annoying and litters were everywhere. Our society is not (yet) one who already understand that free public place doesn’t mean you can do anything that you want without being considerate to others.

They also omit parking lot from this park. Along with new rules and the system which requires more efforts to visit this park, I hope we could take care such precious facilities better than before.

Last year post for few other places to go in this city.

Remember : there’s no such things as too much outdoor hours.