This month might become one of the most important months this year.
I am waiting for my hajj departure announcement and another next best thing, I don’t really keen on saying the term, but, I couldn’t find any suitable one, so, let say, we’re having our big family meeting and engagement by the end of this month, Insya Allah.
I’ve been wondering a lot lately. Of me getting married in the next few months, Insya Allah. I’ve asked him one day, “feel scare?afraid?”
He answered, “Nope, looking forward to it”.
I can’t clearly describe it. I’ve been religiously reading many of wedding blogs since several years ago. I enjoy many of them. Often thinking that if one day will be my turn, how it would feel. At that time, tiny part of my hear answered,
“I really can’t imagine me, getting married. I even can’t imagine to whom”
And now I’m here, and almost there, somehow I still can’t really figure out, and keep asking, ” Am I really doing this?Doing all those preparations those girls did?Experiencing what they’ve been going through as well?Me?”
I feel stupid and pity my self at the same time. Feel stupid as if I’m a teenage girl by asking those questions. You’re almost 28, my dear self. Wake up.
I do wake up, in fact, I’m living it.
Or maybe is it the fact that I’m finally,truly with him, which feels unbelievable for me?
After all these long and rocky journeys we had?
He really had strong faith, and believe that one day, in the end, no matter what we had to go through, who we were to be with first,we will end up together. He told me this few years ago.
As for me, I’m not that confidence to say that. Instead, I’ve been proposing a long question, not to him, to the time to answer
“Do all of these things happen intend to show that we’re too stubborn to accept the fact that we can’t be together or as the tests of perseverance of being together for good in the end?”
Keep repeating that question for years.
And when I’m finally heading to its final answer, well, it still feels unbelieavable.
Or maybe I’m just being too melodramatic.
Whatever it is, I hope nothing but all the next best things happened and may Allah always guide me through all the way. Amin.