I’d been planning to go for Hajj in 2003. Right after I went for Umra with my family. First Umra.
I started saving since then. Luckily, I got my first job 6 months after that, so I could regularly saving.
I have the portion on December 2008, then 2 weeks later, my mum got hers too. It was predicted that we would go in 2012. But, it turned out that our numbers listed in 2011. At that time, I was still in KL and my mum was in France. So, we deferred it until the next year.
I called it as my greatest trip for so many reasons. It is because the Hajj itself, which is great, and many circumstances that happened related to this. A week before we departed, things changed. There was a possibility that I would go by my self because my mum was not in good condition. She might go, and allowed to, but the doc suggested that she’d better stay. She decided not to go on Wednesday, while we departed on Friday, 19th October. Then, Thursday morning she changed her mind. She repacked her luggage and felt so sure about going there.
We departed to the Hajj dorm on Friday morning from Istiqlal. We stayed there until midnight then we went to the airport. Our flight departed at 5.45, Jakarta time and arrived at Holy Mecca at 11.45. It was such a long journey. It felt longer when your travel partner was not in good condition. I kept worrying about my mum. She could not sit for long period because of her stomach. It was aching all the time.
The stress continued after we arrived at Hajj airport, queueing in immigration, waiting for our luggage, taking a bath and miqot in the airport, waiting for another departure to the apartment,and so many more. After waiting for 4 hours, we got on our bus, which was non-air conditioner, and that 5-hours seemed much longer while my mum was sweating all along the journey. It was so heart-breaking to see her like that.
We managed to get our room early so she could have a rest first before we did the umra. We went to Masjidil Haram at 9 pm, by walk. I’d just visited the Mosque in 2010, but still, having this by my eyes once more never failed to make me shiver. It was so crowded. We parted from the group, so we finished Thawaf, Sa’i, and Tahalul only with other two members. We went back to apartment at 3.30 am. It was so tiring.
Since Wukuf was only two days away, so we just stayed in our apartment, recharging the condition from the fatigues, preparing for the main Hajj rituals in 5 days ahead.
Wukuf started on 9 Dzulhijjah, or 25 october 2012. We arrived in Arafah a previous day after Maghrib. We stayed in tents together with all of Pilgrims all over the world. It started after Dzuhur until the sun set.
After Maghrib, we proceed to Muzdalifah for Mabit before staying in Mina for three days. In Muzdalifah we just stayed for few hours, collecting stones for Jumrah, and having light sleep above the rocky hill while waiting for midnight to go to Mina. Until there, I felt the rituals were nothing hard, but, the waiting, the queuing for everything, those were so tiring.
While I kept fighting to get the best spot in the bus, tent, or everywhere so my mum felt comfortable. I knew she was bearing so much pain, got her comfortable places everywhere we go, was the least that i could do for her. I prepared every small things that could help her feel more comfortable. I had hot water in my thermos, hot tea, dates, and biscuits in my backpack.
We arrived in Mina at 2.30 am and then prepared for Jumroh Aqobah. This time, my mum didn’t go, because I could do that for her. We should walk about 6 km return to reach the place. But, Alhamdulillah, I was able to finish it. Mina was very hot. It was almost 50 celsius degree. The bathroom was so terrible, that was the hardest part of all Hajj rituals. Once again, not the rituals, but all the process in doing that.
We managed to return to mecca after the three days, or we followed ‘Nafar Awal’. How we returned to mecca could be another long story since it was kind of mess. The leader said that he already booked the bus, but it turned out that the bus couldn’t come. So, we had to walk for about 1,5 kilometers. It was fine for me, or others, but not my mum and elderly ones. Once again, i kept trying to talk to the leader to get the bus available as soon as possible, before the sun rises high. I kept insisting him, nagging, while others might think ‘what a fussy little girl’ and told me to be patient as if it was a trial in our Hajj. They could say that since they were not having their sick mum with them. I believe, if they did, they would do the same. Moreover, why bother, in the end, they were so grateful that I was being noisy. Because of that, we got the bus, and arrived in our apartment before the traffic stuck just an hour later. Stuck until midnight.
Compare to this on that day
We finished all the Hajj rituals on the next day by doing Thawaf Ifadah and Sa’i. This time, we just did it by ourselves. Mecca, especially Ka’bah was incredibly full. So crowded. But, alhamdulillah, we did our thawaf on the first floor, slowly. We finished Thawaf and Sa’i altogether within approximately 4,5 hours. Since my mum had to do it slowly and we stopped quite often, to drink and have a rest. If I reflected back, it was truly a miracle that we managed to complete our Hajj, with my mum condition. So, it only by Allah’s power we were able to do it. La Haula Wa La Quwwata Illah Billah.
The next days, I had a routine to wake up at 2.30 for preparing early breakfast for both of us. After having shower, then we went to the mosque for Tahajjud and Shubuh prayer. For few first days, my mum was able to follow it. Then, it became tiring for her. So, later, I just went there with Mbak Eni, my roommate and her mum. Since, I didn’t go with my mum, it was easier for me to find a spot for shalat. I stayed there until dhuha. I did Thawaf between subuh and dhuha, alone. That was one of my best me-time moments there. I circled the Ka’bah by my speed, prayed as much as i could, enjoying zam-zam after praying in Multazam and Maqom Ibrahim.
I returned to the apartment about 9 am. Bought nasi briyani nearby the apt for the brunch. Waiting for zuhur, I usually cleaned-up or washed the clothes. I did Zuhur and Ashar at home, then prepared for Maghrib and Isya at mosque.
So it run for 2 weeks there. But, then, I got another hard lesson there. That we could only truly have a plan, but, not decided whether it happened as we planned it or not. My mum was not getting any better. Then, in one afternoon, my father proposed to her to went home early. At first, she refused it. But, then, she finally agreed. It was something that hit me hard.
I thought only she would return, and I proceeded. Then, It wasn’t. My father asked me to join her. I just saw the text after having thawaf. I saw there were few missed-calls from him and a text. Asked me to go home too. I was in a complete silence for some times after reading it. Then the phone rang, my father talked to me. I was crying hard for minutes after hung up the phone.
I was crying inside the mosque. It was so silent and quiet, so I could cry peacefully. I remembered it was just less than an hour ago I prayed in my Thawaf that may Allah gave me a wider heart to accept all the things that He put in my life, all circumstances, good and bad. Then, without waiting too long, He gave me what I prayed for.
He gave me directly the thing that forced me to have this ‘ikhlas’. Instead of proceeding the Hajj to Madina, I had to go back to Jakarta. He fulfilled my wish to go Hajj before married, but, what I didn’t expect, It was how I had it fulfilled. Finished the main Hajj rituals, without visiting Madina and The Prophet. I accepted it quite slowly. Couldn’t help crying for it. Regretted it.
The next days the attention split between the preparation of going home while using my last minutes visiting the mosque and Ka’bah. I was busy going here and there to get all the documents needed because our case kind of abnormal. Returning early only feasible for those who were really sick according to doctor’s recommendation. But, my mum never visited any, because she didn’t want to. Fortunately, bless my father, the general director of Hajj affair was his colleague in Lemhanas. So, it made everything easier.
We had our Thawaf Wada (last Thawaf before leaving Mecca) on Saturday morning. That was the saddest moment of my Hajj. We did it slowly. She insisted to walk instead of wheel-chairing. She said that if it was her last being here, she wanted to do it properly, the best she could. It was very sad since it was truly her last:((
We stopped for a rest few times. We were so relieve when we finally managed to finish it. After praying for the last time in Multazam, suddenly she came to me and hugged me while saying, “Maafin ibu ya. Insya Allah nanti kamu kesini lagi sama suami kamu”. I didn’t want to translate it. That was the most emotional moment I’ve ever had. My mum hugged me in front of Ka’bah for the last time. I just realized that was her last hug too for me:'(
According to the plan, we would move to other group flight from Solo, because we didn’t get direct flight to Jakarta. So, our journey would be longer since we had to go to Jeddah first, stayed for one night, then proceeded to Solo, then to Jakarta. I couldn’t help feeling so worry remembering how far the journey would be and whether my mum would be able to make it. We were gonna spend so many hours on the plan, sitting, which was a big problem for her.
But, alhamdulillah, everything went well. Not that well, but we could go through it. No one could ever imagine what we had been going through. From Saturday until Thursday, when we finally arrived home. It was the longest 5 days I’ve ever felt.
My mum being hospitalized two days after. We supposed to go home from Hajj on November, 30th. But, the reality said that we went home 15 days earlier, but, my mum truly ‘went home’ at November, 30th. The ‘go home’ part was true, only the destination was different.
It’s not easy to finish this writing. It needs two months for me to finish it. I feel that I really to write this as complete as possible. For this was the greatest moment I’ve ever had with the person I love most in the world.