Guess I’m having my writing mood back. So, I’ll just continue till I don’t know when;)
I woke up half confuse and half smiling next Friday morning. Kept re-reading those four unusual texts and self-talking, “Should I worry?”.
As mentioned in the previous post, I was the one who almost never felt comfortable with any men, or boys. Thus, I didn’t fall for someone a lot. I fell in love once on my 6th grade, and it was lasting for 7 years. Couldn’t see anyone else but that person. Refused all the offers in junior and senior high, almost without doubts. I just stacked to one person for 7 years.
Then, after that Thursday night, I felt there was something changed. I caught my self feeling happy, smiling ear-to-ear. It was a bit weird because although we were in the same class, met twice/thrice a week, we were never really in a friendly term until that Thursday. Hardly talked to each other. Never, as i remembered. Then, just changed numbers in one night could make us like we were a best friend.
I kept saying to my self that I wouldn’t take this too hard. Kept telling my head not to be overtaken by my heart. Cause this heart of mine seemed getting in controlled. The texts became addictive. It was him who always started texting, but I surely replied it. It was undeniable that I was enjoying that. We had nice conversations. I didn’t feel that someone was kind of approaching me because he liked me. It just felt that I was having a new nice best friend to talk to and share with. Waiting the texts became a routine.
Then, it was over. Not the story, nor the texts. The honeymoon phase.
Those funny, witty, and half-flirting texts disappeared. It turned to gloom, demanding, and cynical texts. Not only the texts, but the person himself. He, whom I knew beforehand, changed into someone else that totally different. He was no longer warm, funny guy with his nice words, but changed into a complaining, nagging, and so often being in his bad mood.
Later that I knew the reason why. He just broke up with his first girl friend. Freshly broke up. So, it was one of the reason why he had his mood up and down drastically. Then I found the pattern, he was better when we didn’t meet, but always became so frightening after we had class. Our first bad term occurred right after we had class, again on Thursday. A week after the first texts.
I didn’t really remembered what was the thing we talked about that made him sent me some texts right after I arrived home. The texts implicitly accused me of having a boyfriend, which he considered was Riza. He also apologized because was being so attentive while in fact, I was having a boyfriend. It was so confusing received his texts, I had no idea what he was talking about. Why suddenly talked about boyfriend? Who told him so?
I replied his texts telling him that I didn’t understand what that was all about. At first, I didn’t realize also that he referred to Riza. Then when I did, I told him that Riza was only a friend. But, still he kept telling strange expression, till I couldn’t say anything to reply it.
That night, that was the first time i couldn’t sleep through the night just because of someone whom I just knew for weeks. I kept asking in my head, why, out of sudden sent me those texts. What happened actually? I finally had something crossed my mind that might be the reason why he sent all those texts. I remembered that I cut our conversation off and rushed to go home. It was already 19.15. My dad must had been waiting. So, in the middle of talking, I said that I had to go home and quickly ran off.
It was at 3.30 in the morning when I sent him text that explained why I suddenly had to go home. He thought that I was angry. I explained that I wasn’t at all. Also made it clear that me and Riza, we were just friends. Nothing more. After the text sent, then I fell asleep.
Along the day, I kept wondering what happened here with me. It was so weird that a total sleepy-eyed like me, couldn’t sleep all night just because someone whom I barely knew. Why I cared too much about those texts and felt so important so he knew the actual situation. Why? The real me wouldn’t care about anything else if it was about sleeping. I could sleep in any conditions once my head felt the pillow. The real me wouldn’t be bothered by such texts and would choose to ignore it completely rather than thought about it through the night. Really, it was too weird.
Next days, the texts kept coming and it was getting more and more intense. He became more demanding once I didn’t reply his texts for some time. There were days when I felt stress about this. I knew he might still felt uneasy of breaking-up, but why pointed all the anger to me. It felt like I was the one who betrayed him and breaking-up with. Things always getting worse when we met, but it was better when we were off-class.
One day, I even asked Widya to accompany me go to ILP. I was just too afraid to be seen alone, so Widya just waited till I entered the class room, then left. It was getting uncomfortable when he was around. I chose to avoid him. Although it also made me sad, i mean, why we should be back like strangers. We really had no real problems. It really confused me what actually happened at that time.
After uncomfortable situations when we met in the course, then at night, he surely sent text to make up the situation. So, everything was ok. It repeated several times. Till one Friday which I remembered was a very exhausted day, and he once again had his bad mood, and ‘blaming’ me. I had a full piano course on Friday. From 2 – 7 pm. So, it was tiring day.
At first, everything was ok. Till he said something in his text, telling him that he missed me so much that day. I didn’t really keen of having those words. I didn’t know what to be replied. Said that I missed him too? Err… At that time, I just felt what to be missed while we were having texts everyday. You couldn’t miss someone who you ‘met’ everyday. Then, I chose to ignore it, and the bomb exploded.
Not only him because I ignored those last sentence, but I also finally pissed off because of that. Told him that not to act like the only one who had ever been hurt, or like I was the one who did it. Told him that I was so tired (it was indeed one bad day), so if he wanted to leave, then just left. I never said like that before. At first, I kept soothing him when he had bad mood attack. So, it might surprised him that I could say things like that. Once again, he sent me another text during midnight to make up the situation.
I made him wait that time. So, I rarely replied his texts. Till he told me that he would call later. He really called that Saturday afternoon. Maybe because I seemed still angry,hehe;))
We didn’t talk for long. But, as far as I remember, that was the very first time we had such serious phone talk. Maybe ‘serious’ was not an exact word to describe it. It was just deeper.
” Eh, yang gw bilang kemaren di sms. Hm.. itu gw bohong”
” Bohong apa?”
” Yang gw bilang ngga apa – apa kl lo emang mo pergi. Gw bohong.”
” Gw ngga mau lo pergi. Jadi, jangan kemana-mana ya. Tetep disini..”