So, how was the whole new world that I lived in?
Is it good?Nice?Suck?
In ordered to answer that question, I should go back first to that particular Wednesday night. What did those 4 hours do to us?
Well, that night, I told him everything that I didn’t know that I could tell someone before. I told him that I liked these past few weeks minus the bad times. I felt comfortable talking with him. I liked to keep it simple as before. I also told him about me liking someone for 7 years, which were still counting until I met him, or maybe at present, and this was the first time I’d been this close with any guy after him. Close that couldn’t be defined as ‘just a friend’.
Then, I told him, I had no interest in having relationship with any guys until I had my bachelor degree, which still would be in 4-5 years later. I had enough to deal with my last national examination, university entrance examination, as well as my very last piano examination. It gave high stress enough. I didn’t need more, such to deal with other’s feeling.
He was silent for a moment when I told him that and then started to argue. Said that he understood about that and had no intention to mess with all my exams. Meanwhile he had his too. He told me that he prefered to have everything clear. He wanted me to be always here. Anytime he needed me. Said I was the right person at wrong time. Because I came when everyone left. Listened to all the things he complained about, soothed him whenever he needed, helped him to through this post break-up period.
I was a bit disappointed to hear that. So, i told him he might be wrong about his feeling for me. Said that he didn’t like me, but he just had this idea of liking me, because what I did for him. But then, it was no problem. As me myself hadn’t been that sure also whether I truly liked him or what. So, let’s just being friends.
He didn’t agree. He didn’t want to be my friend. For whatever reasons that I told him before, he was sure enough he didn’t want a friend. He needed not one.
That was the most confusing point of our conversation. I was pretty sure that despite my feeling toward him, I didn’t want to have a relationship too at that moment. I didn’t want to feel I was ‘owned’ or labelled as someone’s girl friend. But, I loved to keep this on.
We kept arguing until at one point, (I forgot who proposed this, maybe I did) we had this agreement. That we would keep this going, without any label. But, he told me that he prefered that I wasn’t seeing someone else too. I answered seeing him was enough problem. I was not looking for more:))
I agreed in few conditions : we kept it closed, not asking meeting often (not at all if he could), no house visit. I strictly prohibited everything that could make anybody talked about this. Only for the inner circle. Our best friend would be fine. But, please not too many. I wanted to keep it undercover. He agreed.
So, that was it.
The next days continued like we were really together. Had those endless texts everyday, phone calls, and suddenly, I spent almost twice to pay for phone bill;))
So, the answered the question above is happy then?
There you wish. I knew before that the agreement that day came together with others consequences that I had to face in the future. The simplest one about meeting up. Several times he asked to go out, insisted to pick me up from school, watched movie together,etc. At first, I could warn him about our agreement. But as he kept asking all the time, I could no longer use that. It just made us quarrel. I hated it if we quarreled. So, there came the time when I finally agreed to go out with him. Because he said that he needed to talk about something which he didn’t want to do it by phone nor text.
It was on Friday afternoon. Our first date was at Pizza Hut. The place is still there, but it’s no longer Pizza Hut, but Hoka-Hoka Bento.
I arrived earlier, after I had my piano courses. I forgot whether I really didn’t have my evening class or I skipped it. We met at 4 pm. He came maybe 10 minutes after me, then we went upstairs and chose the two-seats near the window. I was so nervous at that time. I never went out with anyone before. Not this kind of date. It felt really weird that I was truly doing this. A funny fact, that day we wore the same brand of shirt of Hush Puppies. I wore the white t-shirt while he wore blue-green shirt. I can’t help smiling while remembering this:)
It turned out that something that he wanted to talk about was his ex-girl-friend. I didn’t really understand what was the point of discussing her ex-girl friend with me, while I was pretty sure that I didn’t like her much. Not because of her being his girl friend, no problem about there, but, this girl had once come to the English course just to see which girl who had been close with her boyfriend after the break-up. She came to me asked my name, asked whether I was his friend,etc. She was so intimidating at that time. I admitted I was quite scare, though I didn’t show it. Not scare of her, (of course!) but I didn’t want to be seen as if I was quarrelling over a boy. Oh, please. Just shoot me if i did -_-
I kept listening to him in spite of my unapproved to the topic. He said that he wanted me to know his situation. The situation where he still met his ex girlfriend everyday at school, while they were also in the same circle of friendship, his feeling toward him that might not 100% cured, and so on. To be honest, I didn’t what to feel hearing all of that. I meant, well, it was logic that he couldn’t overcome his feeling toward her yet, while they were this close at school, while in other side, it was confusing why then he asked me to stay. If I looked back, maybe there was a bit of jealousy there.
In the end of his explanations, he asked my opinion. So, i just told him what I wrote about minus the jealousy part but I added something. Told him that my feeling had not been 100% too for him, since I had liked this boy from my elementary for 7 years. It was impossible that it disappeared suddenly. So, we were kind of even here. We were together while we’re dealing with our past.
But then he asked me question about my past. Asked how much that person still occupied my mind. Err.. I remembered that I answered with percentage, but not remembered how much exactly the number;)) Then, he seriously said that he didn’t like competition which was the soft translation of he didn’t like to have competitor. Still in his serious tone, he said that he would make sure I would forget that guy soon. You’d see, he said.
That afternoon, I came home with lighter heart. I was quite relieved that we talked over this. Somehow, the conversations showed me that he really trusted me, and he didn’t mind sharing everything with me. I received a text once I arrived home :
” Gosh! I forgot to tell you something! I forgot to tell you that I love you so much,dear.”
Saying things that I could hardly handle was something that he was really good at.