As I remembered, days after that afternoon date at Pizza Hut were quite err.. happy,funny?maybe something like that. Since it’s been quite long time that i was close to anybody whom I liked too. For me, in a relationship it is very important to be with someone that i like too. I never take any risk to accept someone’s feeling if i dont feel the same way too. That was why i rejected some boys during junior high and senior high before his time (please bear with my humble brag;)).
But,then again, those funny and happy days didn’t last too long. More problems arose. More because of our disagreement in many things. Well,honestly my disagreements. As i told here before, i just wanted to keep it simple. Chatting over text and talking on the phone were enough. More than enough for me but not for him.
For him, it was important that we should meet,eat together, watch movies,date on the weekend,etc. So I was telling him that he could do that with other girl. I was being straight from the start that I couldn’t be like that. I wouldn’t. Another reason that I didn’t tell him was my parents would never ever allow me. But I didn’t feel like to drag my parents to my reason.
There were countless fight and quarrel over so many things that made me often really wanted to quit this. Until we finished our national examination on May 2003, that was the time that i felt i couldn’t take it any longer. It was in a late night that I finally had the courage to tell him about how stress i had been for these few months. Told him i really couldn’t handle it. I was not happy every morning i woke up and knew that we were together. I wanted to be back as a friend. I promised that I would not go anywhere. I would be just here anytime he needeed me. But I asked him to straighten things out that we were just friends. Only friends.
I thought that i would feel better telling him all those words. Then, I was totally wrong. It was terrible. Heard him crying it was even more hurtful. Even after i hung up the phone i couldn’t help crying and sending him texts saying that i was really sorry. Even there were somedays afterward that i had this thought of asking him to be back together. But I just couldn’t do that. Knowing I might hurt him more later if i did that.
It was on May, 11th, 2003, that night, i had a promise made myself that I wouldn’t be involved in any close relationship with anyone until i graduate from my bachelor degree 4-5 years later.
A promise that turned out i really kept and made while hurting quite few hearts along the way.