We went to different college and different cities, although it was only between Jakarta and Bogor.
We went through a-quite-tough relationship during our college years. There were ons-offs till I lost count. But, one thing for sure, it had always been there.
I remembered facing some of ‘them’ during my first semester. But,the most noticeable was my senior. He was my lecturer assistant for Basic Economics. It was not until the last day of the class when I knew he had been paying me some attention.
I was not the class coordinator for the subject but I remembered that he suddenly texted me for the first time asking something for the final test. I just answered it casually even tough I felt it was a bit fishy since I never gave my phone number. It was confirmed that he had something when his third texts on that day had some standardized-attentive words on it then I knew that was a new problem came.
Why problem? I was not good at all on dealing with other’s feeling, remember?
This senior had been very kind even afer the class was done. Insisted on lending me his books for the second semester which I tried to refuse it hard till I finally accepted it since I did not see any other way to stop him. He even found out my home phone number, that my father once went to the same school 29 years before, and some of the things that I had no idea how he could find those. He called quite often on Saturday evening,maybe just checked whether I had a date or not:))
He popped up the question on new years’ eve 2005. So, it had been 1,5 years until he said the words. It was exactly at midnight. But, then, you know my answer right? I had no intention starting any new relationship at all. Not just because of the promise, but I wouldn’t accept anyone if I was not sure that I could return the feeling. They said it might changed as time went by. For me, I believed it would not. I rarely and almost never change my first answer.
The rejection didn’t stop him at all. It did, for some time. It changed his attitude toward me also. I just took it as a risk. But, yet, he came back. He visited me during my KKN, toped-up my phone credit,etc. After he graduated and worked in Jakarta, he texted me and even once made me had dinner with him, and my friends. Yes, it was a hilarious night that six of us dined together at Saras:))
He had been here for let say 6 years at least. Sadly, It could not move me at all. I wish he had his best things in life as I write this. Amin.
Me and him on the 1st semester were pretty good. Good as we talked over the phone and sms quite often. Sometimes it felt like we were still really together, eventough I didn’t know what he had been doing with other girls during those times;))
At that time also, the idea of being married to me was proposed, or let say mentioned.
I remembered that night. As we talked over texts on the second day of Idul Fitri. Oh, Idul Fitri had always been something about him. Some feeling that only can be felt during that time.
We talked casually and then it stopped for about an hour. He did not reply the text. So I thought that was it for the night.
But, suddenly a text came. Not a usual text but more like a simple poem. It silenced me for a moment after reading it. It was just a-two-sentences poem yet it said a lot.
It was so me for being tactless on replying that kind of text. I often decided to reply with some unfunny jokes since I didn’t know what to say. But, at that time, before I replied, he sent another text explaining that was a poem that he intended to put down on his wedding invitation card some day. He had promised it with his former girl friend,either they would be together or end up with someone else, they would print that poem on their wedding invitation. But, it actually should not be revealed until the time came.
If that so,I asked him why he did send me then. He answered that the promise had to be broken because of me and he just missed me so much. I was jokingly said that he should send me one, the wedding invitation.
” The wedding won’t be held if you don’t come. Can I married without the bridegroom?”
There he said it.
It even stunned me more. Wedding,he said?
The rest of the conversations were quite long to be explained. He told me that he didn’t want to lose me until five years later when I had done with my promise. A text that was one of my favorite texts from him :
” Except you find somebody else not me. I try to change. I want to be a better person for you. When I think I make it, I’ll ask you back. Just think how to refuse me”.
Hey kids, I don’t know how later you see your father, but he was that good at words often since I ate it from him so much:))
But,still, even after that I had not.changed my mind. I could not be with anyone till I make it for the bachelor degree. He understood that fully.
It was true some saying that said words are actually a prayer. 9 years later from that night, the poem was here :
It was written on the back of our wedding invitation.