People say that being a mother can turn your world ups and downs. For these (almost) 30 years of my life, there are certain things that I have never experienced before, but on this journey, I finally have.
I have never been hospitalized during these 30 years. Not even once. Alhamdulillah. Last Friday was the very first time I had been admitted to the hospital. It was when I found fresh blood on the tissue I used after took a pee. It was after teaching on my school’s bathroom.
I have been experiencing few moments that could make my heart stop beating. But, last Friday, it was the very first time I felt my heart and my brain stopped working at the same time when I saw those bloody tissue in my hand. For some time, I think I was going insane.
I couldn’t help calling le husband in an instant. It made me crazier when he didn’t pick it up at first. When he finally made it, I told him abruptly. He told me to go to hospital in an instant.
I didn’t go,instead, I sat for some times in my car. Trying to figure out what really happened. Still not clear. Then when I finally made up my mind, I left the car in school and took a cab to hospital.
Along the way, I couldn’t think of any single thing. Even when I arrived at the hospital,walking by myself,telling the nurse what my problem was, I felt surreal.
When the doctor finished with his examination and told me that it was ok. But,we couldn’t take this lightly and he was strongly recommended that I had to be hospitalized right here right now. Then I realized how big it was, i felt so scare.
The thought that I might do something that harm this little creature inside my womb was very scary. I insisted not to be hospitalized at first, since it scared me to death also. I hate hospital,yet I married to a doctor.
But, I finally gave it up. I ended up not only being hospitalized for the first time in my life, but also other several things beyond my imagination. Having my hand with ‘infus’, being given a medecine from my buttocks, not enough, I had had to pee on the bed using ‘pispot’ and having the nurses to cleaned up that bottom part and my pee. I even had my whole body cleaned by others on the bed.
So far, motherhood has been quite tough. But, in spite of all those things I have been through and will be going through, I think it worths all the sacrifices in the world.