Posted in The Big Three

Introverted Parenting

Few days ago, I found an article about Introverted parenting which I found very interesting.

Why? It described me so well.

To be brutally honest, for these 10 months, I might be very far from what one called a good mother. I don’t play with Langit a lot, sometimes being angry to her, mostly let her playing alone by herself. I rarely take her to baby’s friendly places. Instead, I (had to) take her to places where I had some bussiness to be taken care of like went to the SAMSAT office to pay the cars’ taxes or to car service and repair shop to pick up my car or else she had just stayed at home.

I am also selfish. I don’t like messy schedule simply because it will disturb my resting time. I am doing almost every single thing about Langit’s daily needs except washing her clothes. Apart from breastfeeding, I am doing all the stuff from cooking, feeding, bathing as well as its pre and post bathing, playing, tidying up, washing her feeding utensils, even taking her to the doctor, I go without le husband, every months. Shortly, I am taking care all of it (almost) alone.

To add many more things I have to do at home, I also take care of mostly all stuff at home. Taking care other three men my father, brother, and of course le husband. Preparing breakfast, snack boxes, dinner, sometimes lunch, grocery and monthly shopping, go to the marketplace, paying the household bills, you can continue adding the lists.

That is why I am very strict about schedule. With those stuffs to be done everyday, when will I have my rest if I don’t have precise time management? I am working part time three days a week where the schedule has to be even more punctual.

I need my me-time everyday. When I am currently writing this post, I have done all of morning duties and Langit is sleeping. Beside writing, my favorite thing is of course watching my friends koreans on the laptop. I have to have it everyday to keep me staying sane after doing all the chores.

My me-time is the time I spend leisurely at home. I don’t consider going out as me-time because it gives me more things to do, especially when Langit is going too. Mothers will know how ‘simple’ it is to go out with a baby.

Back to the article, it said :

This seems to me the most important thing about introverted parenting: respecting your need to have time to yourself, even if you’re in the same room with your kid, and finding creative ways to do so. Having a few of those moments—whether you’re literally alone or not—make it possible to be fully present for your child the rest of the day.

One big savior for us? Television. I know: plenty of parents, armed by scientific studies, are against giving too much (or any at all) screen time to little kids. But Felix needs opportunities to zone out, whether it’s with a book or in front of the screen. When he was a toddler, I’d get to the point reading aloud when both my voice and will to live would start to fade, so I began allowing short stretches of TV time. Today, it’s a cherished part of his routine. He has about forty minutes on a school day, once he’s done his homework and before dinner, to watch TV. On the weekends, my wife and I join him for afternoon movies. Afterward, he’s refreshed and ready to rejoin the social world, usually with a minimum of whining.

Okay, so spending time with your child is one thing, but what happens when other parents get thrown into the mix? When your child is still a baby, you don’t have to worry about unwanted socializing because the play dates at that point are mostly for the adults. If you don’t want to have them, then don’t.

Things change when your child grows old enough to show an interest in other kids and making friends. At that point, you have to suck it up, though you can still socialize on your terms.

I know parents who enjoy long, unstructured hangouts where everyone flits from activity to activity and space to space. They might meet at the playground, mosey down to the nearest ice cream parlor to grab a treat, and finally move to someone’s house, gabbing all the way. That kind of socializing is not for me. It’s never been for me! I can make small talk for a while and have deeper talks about life, love, and literature for even longer, but at some point I need to escape.

Felix seems to have the same tendency. He loves playing with other kids for a little bit. Then his attention flags, and he becomes less playful and more rough. A moment of frustration might lead to him stomping his block tower. Or he may sit on my lap and show more interest in hanging out with the adults than the kids. These are all clear signs that he’s reached his social limit and requires a calm space to himself to re-energize. Of course, being five years old, he doesn’t recognize that or want to acknowledge it, so I offer him an incentive to coax him home—a snack, a special activity, or a favorite TV show.

When scheduling play dates, I let the other parents know not just when we’re coming but also when we’re likely to leave so that we don’t overextend ourselves. I don’t feel ashamed about setting an endpoint—there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert!—it’s what works best for us. I make that clear to my parenting friends. “We’d love to come over for lunch,” I’ll say. “And we’ll probably get going around two or so, so we can get home for a rest.”

When we invite friends over, we tend to do it around meal times so that there’s a clear end point. After dinner, you’ve got to go! Honestly, though, we don’t often host play dates at our place because we find them generally tiring. Besides, if one parent takes Felix to someone else’s house for a play date, then the other parent gets time alone at home, which can’t happen when our home is invaded!

Like doing anything as a parent, being an introvert requires a bit more effort and intention on your part since you’re not just managing your child’s proclivities but balancing them with your own as well. My wife and I consider ourselves fortunate that Felix’s energy matches ours, partly because we’re able to understand his needs but also because we’re not often at odds—socializing-wise, anyway. (Like all parents and children everywhere, we have our issues!)

When Felix feels exhausted from a long day in school or even just a short play date with a friend, there’s a warm kind of understanding that passes between us. I don’t push him to get out of his shell more or criticize him when he says he’s tired and requires some cuddling and “spacing out.” I know where he’s coming from because I need it too.

Sooo amazing how this father describes everything. I feel youuu.

respecting your need to have time to yourself, even if you’re in the same room with your kid.

Agree!

One big savior for us? Television.

Agree! But for us, it is youtube. We don’t watch TV at home. Almost never. It is 24 hours off.

you don’t have to worry about unwanted socializing because the play dates at that point are mostly for the adults. If you don’t want to have them, then don’t.

This is truly me. I don’t find playdates suit me and necessary, for current time.

That kind of socializing is not for me. It’s never been for me! I can make small talk for a while and have deeper talks about life, love, and literature for even longer, but at some point I need to escape.

How can he describe me that well?

When we invite friends over, we tend to do it around meal times so that there’s a clear end point. After dinner, you’ve got to go! Honestly, though, we don’t often host play dates at our place because we find them generally tiring. Besides, if one parent takes Felix to someone else’s house for a play date, then the other parent gets time alone at home, which can’t happen when our home is invaded!

So much brutal honesty in this paragraph until I can’t choose it because every word means truth.

After dinner, you’ve got to go? YES!

Host playdates rarely because it’s tiring? I’M WITH YOU. Beside, sometimes guests make me uncomfortable. They take my resting time if they stay too long.

Last one, luckily, as I have been observing lately, Langit seems to be the same like us, or me? She doesn’t really like going out. Only until certain time is beaable for her. At home, she also likes playing by herself. It seems that we understand each other. At least it is for me and her. She tends to be more eager when she meets her father. It’s very okay with me, but not always ok for le husband. Haha.

This is not something that I write to be proud of. But, this what works best for me. I just hope it doesn’t make Langit misses what is important by being an introvert mother. That is why I keep myself updated by reading lots of stuff.

I love this sentence as a closing :

Like all parents and children everywhere, we have our issues!

Yes, we have!

Author:

Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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