Posted in Maternité, Past learning, Thoughts

After Three Years

The end of this November will be the third year after mom left. I really have a lot in my mind. Things that finally being understood after three years after she’s gone. Things I have been going through since becoming a mother for a year.

I finally understood every single thing she has done in the past. At least why. I am still wondering a lot about the ‘HOW’. How she could survive with these endless work for years, how she could survive handling and doing everything well. How she could survive and kept staying sane.

Being a mother for a year, I have been a fussy one, I guess. I am not flexible, scheduled-oriented, I do sweat the small things. Sometimes I really don’t know who will have the most benefit by being this fussy. Me, Langit?

But, then I can argue. Looking back what I had been going through as a child, I thought my mother was one too. For some important things, she was pretty fussy. It made me unhappy. But again, those hard times were really paid-off. I witnessed  every single result of her hard works she had done to me.

I really remembered how persistent she was, taking me to YPM so I wouldn’t miss any single lessons according to the schedule. Even it took her so much troubles. Can you imagine, she sent me to the school by taking my little sister and my baby brother. We walked from home until the main street, then she left the stroller in one of small warung, and we rode on a mikrolet. After that, we still continued with bajaj until we arrived at the music school.

Then, how long my lesson was?
20 minutes. Yes, as long as 20 minutes only. So much troubles for a mere 20 minutes.

But, did she stop doing that? Nope. She kept doing it for thirteen years, although with different troubles. If someone asked me, I really couldn’t remember if I had missed any single lessons there. Even when I had my asthma, she really made me still attend the class. See, I really wonder how she could do that. How could she make me do that I mean. Not because of my asthma.

Even her friends were asking her why were taking so much troubles just for sending me to a piano.lesson? It was not even something very important. More, I wasn’t the one with talent too. Even more, she even didn’t have my father’s approval at the beginning. Did she quit? Absolutely not.

She really showed me hard work will never betray you. One by one, her hard works started showing results. Lots of results happened during my four years of college.

It started when I passed the audition for being a piano teacher and got my first job while I was only a second semester student. She was really proud of it until she couldn’t stop saying about her efforts to make me survived until the very end. She showed to those friends who once asked why went through so much troubles for  a simple piano lesson. Really, it made me seems to be the best child in the world, haha.

Guess I was really bloomed in my college years. After a job, I passed the English test which made me got a straight A without having to attend the class. It was only 5 students out of 101. Then, on the fifth semester, I once again passed another selection. A lecturer assistant for Basic Economics. It escalated my status also and it was even making me more famous, hahaha:))

It didn’t stop there. Along side with academic achievements, the personal things seemed doing well too. I really got pretty much attention from those guys around. From classmates, senior, even those from different majors. Yes, plural. Please, don’t throw up first until this story finished.

Saturday night at home spent by receiveing calls. Again, plural. Le husband had so many competitors back then when he called me on Saturday night. If you read this Yobo, please don’t discuss it later;)).

Was I happy? Yes, but surprisingly not really. Being famous and poured with so much attention were really not my thing. It gave me pressures. That was why I didn’t date, at all, during my college years. Not because I couldn’t but I chose not to. I enjoyed staying unreachable.

You may throw up now.

I was so grateful having those during my college years. The time when I had been mature enough. I couldn’t imagine if I got it during my high schools. I would be very tengil I guess.

Although those were my achievements, I almost never thought to take all the credits for me. Really, it wasn’t really me. It was all my mom’s. It was all her hard works for years. I was never being proud without remembering that was actually my mom’s doing. Had I have another mother but her, I would never ever reach those things. I would have never received all those compliments. I would have never felt so good about being myself. For that, I would never be able to thank her enough.

So, me being a fussy mother along this first year, is pretty much because of those things I wrote about. I couldn’t ask my mom how she had been doing with us technically since she wasn’t here. So I just can do what seems possible for me to get the same result. Things that my small brain thinks it fits well.

Two weeks ago, during my niece aqiqah event, there was an ustad who gave speech. There was something that really impressed me so much until I couldn’t forget it at all until today. He said,

“Jadi orangtua itu harus semangat. Semangat dalam mendidik anaknya dan beri yang terbaik. Kenapa? Ketika kita tua, anak-anak ngga mungkin ngga semangat ngurus orangtuanya”.

It hit me hard. Pretty hard.

Okay, since it will be a very long one, I think it will be better to make it two parts.

Keep going to the second, if you want.


Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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