Posted in Maternité, Past learning, Thoughts

Flash Back Parenting

Have you ever heard that term?

Nope?

Of course, I haven’t too. Until few minutes before started writing this post. The term just suddenly popped out in my mind. Nothing about new theory, just the term I think suits me best.

I read and heard many kind of parenting concepts these days. Helicopter, simple, reflective, authorative, and so on. All have its own theory. In spite of any terms, I believe every parents can’t be categorized in only one term. I believe each parents are a little bit of this and that. But, it’s likely that they are more into one category than the other ones. Of course, I am one too.

When I reflect along this one year parent Langit, what I have been doing most is flashing back. The way I parent Langit, most decisions made, many of them were according my flash back thinking. Since I can’t ask my role model personally, that’s the best thing I can do. I keep flashing back my mother’s words, actions, values, even the smallest things that she unintentionally did, but taught me lessons as well.

So, that explains lot now why I can’t help writing any posts without my mum being mentioned. Although my relationship with her hadn’t always been good and smooth, but I have been so grateful. Even more grateful because I had the honor to be the one whom she spent her very last days with. Even even more, spent it at the best place on earth. My last hug with her was during thawaf wada’ in front of Ka’bah.

Apart from my mother’s influence, other person whose the influence had some impacts too was my grandmother. My mum’s mother. She was the kindest person for me. She had lovely scent and I loved kissing her a lot. I loved and adored the way she did her prayers. I remembered clearly how I enjoyed doing five times prayer with her. The way she recited the do’a was very calming. The most remarkable trait I remembered about her was cleanliness. Other than kind, she was very very very clean. Oh, and tidy! Her bed, cupboard, every inch in her house was the cleanest.

The origin of my rule about no playing in the bed was from her. Langit is only being on the bed when she is sleeping. Other than that, she should play outside. Actually, le husband is also prohibited. But, yah, it’s negotiable with him.

My grandmother was very good at cooking and … playing cards. Haha! We had this routine family vacation to Cipanas where there was a villa owned by my dad’s workplace. For three days of staying there, what we continously did was playing cards. We only had a break for lunch and pray. Other than that everyone was sitting on the carpet holding cards and bragging the joker they had. And my grandmother was the one who was really eager of playing. All the time. Hahaha. Neskii, I.miss you so much:(

My grandma went in the same year as my mum did. In the same day, same date, by eight months difference. While my mum left on Friday, Nov 30, my grandma went on Friday, March 30. It was one of my biggest regret that I didn’t attend her funeral. I was still in UPM at that time. I was about going home in few days at that time. Received that news, I came home early. On the night before she went, I remembered I couldn’t sleep at all. I was very nervous, anxious, and felt so uneasy all night. I have been always like that when something unpleasant was about going to happen. That time, the answer came at 5 am. When my phone rang and my mom’s name appeared on the monitor, I already knew that it would be the worst news she was going to deliver. I even cried before my mum said anything. As if I knew my grandma had gone already.

It was a non stop crying day for me. I cried all day. I went home the next day and still couldn’t stop crying. Even crying more when I landed and le husband picked me up at the airport then sent me to my grandma’s house. It was crying all the way. Knew that I was no longer able to see her and even didn’t have a chance to say goodbye properly was heart-breaking.

Then, maybe this post should be called Flash back parent and grandparent-ing.

Today is happened to be December 22. It’s a mother day in Indonesia. So, this one suits that well. Happy mother’s day to both greatest mothers in my life. I love you both so much. One of my biggest desire is hoping that I am able to be at least as good as both of you, as a person and a mother as well.

Ah, of course, Happy mother’s day too, dear me. (Keep trying hard to) be a great one too!

I will.

Author:

Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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