I have been much happier these days. It started when I unintentionally went to the old body language class once Langit slept one day. It was a very sudden decision and the class had started when I was still home. But, the urge to keep going was very strong. So, I did it. It turned out to be one of the best decision of the year so far.
Being successed once made me one to do it more. It felt very very good resuming exercise. After Langit came, I went back exercise on the second month. I stopped at her sixth month since she started eating and it was Ramadhan. Then, it wasn’t possible to do it because the class started at 8 am and that time, I hadn’t done with all those morning rituals from feeding, bathing, and so many things I had to do alone.
Having break from exercise made me miss it a lot. Worse, the body seemed getting bigger and bigger. I didn’t feel comfortable at all wearing anything. For so many times, I felt so ugly, fat, and exhausted. The reason I had a break for six months was because of feeding. I have been whinning how hard and exhausting feeding was but I couldn’t neglect feeding Langit just because exercising. Since I had no one to ask, then, not going is the only option.
After Langit turned one, I promised myself to resume fasting. But again, the most easily broke one is the promise you made yourself. Even after 27 November, I didn’t start and using breastfeeding as an excuse. Until one day when I felt so exhausted about taking care so many stuffs at home while still keep having feeding battle three times a day, it was when something hit me on the head telling me to grab back some of my favorite routines.
I have been doing Monday-Thursday fasting for almost 13 years while I have been exercising at the same place since I was in the second year of junior high. More or less 14 years ago. I didn’t realize having those two being cut from my daily life had a very signigicant effect to my happiness and these days, sanity too.
More, taking care Langit alone with no help around often made me feel even unhappy. Not unhappy about her, but more about the exhaustion from those never ending tasks, while le husband was very often absent.
After having these two routines back, I feel very much recharged. There is something that I am waiting for and I love it. But again, I don’t like losing one when I want to gain one. I don’t feel good to dismiss some of Langit rituals just for the sake of my exercise. So, Instead of diminishing the rituals, I choose to wake up earlier. By doing that, It feels fair for both of us. Langit doesn’t lose any her morning stuffs to do, while I can go exercising happily.
Since there is no special person to attend Langit while I go exercise, I have to compromise with myself. I only can go if she is sleeping. Then, if she isn’t, I should cancel it. When she is sleeping, I can leave her with the house helper without disturbing her work. Alhamdulillah, it’s been working very well for a month. I hope to keep this continue going like this. You know what, feeding feels very much bearable on the days I go exercise. Nice,eh?
It is really true then the one who says the limit is all about what you believe you can do. It is set by your head and strengthen by your heart. If you think you can do it, your head will find any possible ways to make it.
It’s just about either you really want it or you just simply wish for it.