It’s unavoidable having a very noisy mind after witnessing a death, specially for the loved ones. It makes me recall lots of things I went through in the past.
I was taught the importance of having goals in life since a very young age. Being in the top five, went to good public schools, went to places I wanted the most, those were mostly measurable. Somehow, the goals have been rarely tangible. I have least interest in things.
A crucial moment which happened five years ago made me or force me having a new goal in life. The pain of missing the chance to say goodbye to my other grandmother lasted for a quite long time. Being thousand miles away during the final meeting with one I love so dearly was very torturing. Worse, I could do nothing to delay the farewell.
From then, I told myself, being present for those who matter a lot for me, in health and sick, happy and sad, life and death should be the guide how I will live my life forward.
The next big thing after my grandma’s death was my mum’s. I was so beyond lucky to finish my master degree when her sickness started. Even luckier that I had no permanent jobs at that time since I was in the middle of preparing for hajj departure and the wedding.
In the middle of those big event preparation hassles, I still managed to accompany my mum to her doctor appointments, drove her here and there. As she would go hajj with me too, so it was double hassles.
I was with her on her last months, days, minutes, and the final breath. Though it made me become the most heart-broken, yet I felt that I was, am, and will always be the richest. I had the most memories, the greatest honour to be able the one who sent her off. Even after five years, tears couldn’t help falling reading those previous posts above.
It was painful for sure. But, I would still choose it than having none to be treasured. It’s soothing knowing I did my best to be with her during her final and hardest battle.
The chance came to me once again last Friday. When all things told me that it would be my grandmother last moments in the world, I was really grateful that I insisted to stay overnight with her, even more, stay right next to her ear to recite what most important she needed and wanted to hear for the last breath.
I had the honour too once again having my turn when she had her final breath. I kept accompanying her until we’re done with her funeral.
Lots of her relatives from other towns came to her funeral. They made time to catch the earliest flight possible to send their last respect to her. From Palembang, Surabaya, and Banjarmasin, they put money or other things aside so they wouldn’t miss her farewell.
It makes me more certain about one thing. I am getting more and more assured that time is the most precious thing that a human could have in life.
We don’t give our most valuable things to just anyone. Such precious thing like time should be given to those who deserve it most.
I want and choose to give this particular thing to ones who really matter to me. I find joy in staying more at home, taking care of my dad and others. Instead of making money but having less time, I choose making lots of time and having less money. Though it’s not always been easy, yet it’s satisfying.
I choose not to work on Thursday and Friday since two years ago. I want to have a peaceful sunnah fasting and having time for reading yassin leisurely after maghrib and breakfasting. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I am being tired from work. I want to have one special time, time when pray is being granted the most to be sent to those people I love.
I hope to keep this value for a very long time and want Langit to acquire a good understanding about this.
82 years of living that my grandma had might sound so long. But, as we reach the end, really, life is indeed too short. Those years were just gone in a blink of an eye. It is a good reminder for us to choose wisely what and who really matter in our life.
Everyone choose differents battle to be fighting for in their life. Not all battle could be won and whether we like it or not, there will be battles that we lose. Choose well which one we want to win and with that comes ones that we have to lose.
I decided mine already and will keep going with that until the end. All things I live my life with, I am hoping for a happy ending to go through the hardest last battle in life.
At last, it reminds me about one important thing in life :
It doesn’t matter how you start, it matters a lot how you finish.