Posted in Past learning, Thoughts

Another August,Another Lesson

August has been well known as the most unfriendly month of the year for me. Many of real life plot twists take place on this month.

This year August brought its best lesson once again. It showed the truth of the saying, ” what’s not meant to be yours, will never be yours in any possible ways, beyond your calculation”. 

No matter how much and how long you work hard for it, no matter how many advantages you (thought you) had in your hand, it would never be you who decided the result.

A lesson came through this year’s YPC. This one student is a good one, and she was a third time winner in previous YPC. Three times of her participations, she went home with a trophy. She had a break last year for her school exam and re-entered this year.

YPC usually takes place in the beginning of the year. Between February or March. But, this year, it unusually took place in August. Maybe this was the beginning of the twist. 

She chose her song, practiced it well, since May, and around late July, another hint came. Among nine participants in her category, another one would play the very same piece like one she had. 

She was quite taken aback since time for practising was running out. We decided to change the song twice until she decided she would keep going with the first since she felt the most comfortable with that song. She didn’t find this thing a problem. 

She changed her song thrice too for her last competition. It was when I was having maternity leave and she changed teacher three times too. Albeit the short time of practising the new chosen song, she still went home as one of the winners.

This year’s song is October from Tchaikovsky and it was one of my favorite classical pieces. I had prepared this song for her since quite some time once she entered C category. She had some difficulties but still she nailed it. Until the very last day of training, she played very well. I kept encouraging her that she had the very same big chance to win as she did in her previous category.

All she had to do was playing well.

The competition day, she wore a very nice white dress and she looked pretty nervous but I still considered it normal. The boy who played the same piece with her was number three, she was number nine. I told to her to stay away when the boy played. I stayed and listened.

The boy played the piece very neatly, perfect dynamic, and without any single mistakes. But , compared to this girl from what we have during months of the practice sessions, it sounded emotionless. I felt quite worry as well as a bit confidence that she would do better.

I still clearly remembered what happened that Sunday. She started her playing hesitantly. She missed the first most important bar. But, the hope was still there. Then, she made another small mistake, but still kept going. Not for long, then, it happened.

Five years of YPC, maybe that was the first time this thing happened among every category in this competition. The first plot twist happened.

She stopped playing and ran away from the stage while saying, “I couldn’t go on, I really couldn’t do it,”.

She cried. 

I did too inside. 

I knew both of us were totally having a severe broken heart by this circumstance.

She went straight home with her parents. I stayed until the announcement. When it was her category’s turn, I heard the fourth, third, and the second winner from outside the hall and planned to go home. I thought yah, at least the boy didn’t get it too.

I just walked few steps when the MC announced the first winner of C category.

That boy’s name was called.

If only there were something that could describe how I felt on that minutes, I would gladly write it all.

But, there wasn’t any. This second plot twist was beyond my wildest imagination, and it was surely too painful.

We did ALL our best for the last 4 months, every single thing that I thought could help her, we did it everything.

I could still accept she ran away from the stage knowing her pressure was quite high, but the fact that the very same song won as the first winner, yah, it was truly truly heart-breaking.

The rest of Sunday spent silently. Trying to accept everything. Trying to let go and denying once in a while, thinking about some ifs, but finally gave up.

This year was never ours since the very beginning. The best thing was, we bet all our best in this fight.

I was so blessed having this week as the fifth week so no lesson for this week. I knew we both wouldn’t be too ready to face each other this soon.

There’s always a blessing in disguise in every misfortune.

I have my plan to talk to her next week. I hope she won’t be being so devastated about this.

Really, if something is yours, nothing can keep it to make it away. If something isn’t yours, nothing will make it stay.

I learned my lesson. I hope she did too. And we will come back stronger than before.

Thank you (not thank you), August.

Author:

Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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