Few last months, working schedule has been a lot more hectic and juggling here and there is absolutely unavoidable. Adding another responsibility in the schedule makes other things should be put aside, like my favorite activity watching k-dramas.
In others’ glasses, I looked like having an ideal life by having my own work that I love doing it with flexible schedules (few hours for three days in a week), running a bussiness, taking care the little girl almost alone ( with the help of a half-day helper), taking care three men and house affairs, doing regular exercise, having days off on weekdays, and sufficient income to pay the bills.
I am counting my blessings above.
Now, let’s go to the other side.
With so many things in my hand, I should wake up very early in the morning than before and sleep later than I used to be. Working in the morning till mid-day, going home first to feed the little girl and flying again to another work.
For few these months, every day in a whole week is a working day from morning till afternoon. As a newbie, running a bussiness feels like having endless working hours, dealing with customers, feeling anxiety about sales, finding solutions to any existing problems, keep thinking any possible ways to survive, and many more. It’s been ages since lazy weekend is available.
The consequences of such schedule, being tired once I got home is unavoidable and the little girl often has to pay for it. Compromising with her lunch since I have been too tired to feed her (a proper meal), allowing her to watch Gummy Bear more than the limit (what can I do?), or refusing to read her a book since I was too sleepy or I just wanted to lie down while scrolling my twitter timeline. I often compromised with her stuff but rarely did it to mine.
Even right now, while writing this, I am neglecting her main course breakfast, putting aside washing her meals utensils, and tidying up the breakfast table and other things that should be done now instead of typing this babbling just because I really want to write.
So, actually, when some people asked me how I got the balance between works and motherhood, I sneered and answered,
“Who said it was balance? It’s a mess,”
You can’t be very good in everything that you do alone all at once. Something must have been compromised for other things. When you can do things freely and leisurely outside then you must have someone to take care the house stuff and the kids at home. There’s no possible way to do everything on your own. When you spent more time outside dealing with works, it’s impossible to have the exact same amount to spend with the kids.
Quality over quantity? Hm.. I don’t think so.
I won’t write any excuses here and everything written above is purely pointed to my own nose. Everytime I feel so tired and like quitting these all, I remembered my mother. How she had been juggling harder, dealing with three little children, took turn with my father working in the evening after all day long taking care the house stuff, more she cooked everything alone from the very scratch.
I wondered how she could be still sane. Taking care one child even feels more than enough for me and fiuh, cooking is not my happy playground.
When I refered to her, balance seems to be real and exist, until I remembered how hard it had been to be her daughter, hahaha.
But, those hardships she had been given to me brought more advantages in the future than I could think of. I am forever grateful to her. Thus, I really want to keep up with her standard. She was surely neglecting some of our stuffs, she surely had her own regret, but she was never being ignorant and a quitter. Those are two things that I have too, gladly.
Knowing it’s been hard and even will be harder, quitting any of them is not an option unless if I really have to. It’s a better time management that should be done when you’re having more responsibilities, not omit one existed when you have a newer one.
Although an ideal balance is pretty impossible to achieve, being certain and believe these things are worth fighting for is enough to keep going. No greatness and grand result achieved by doing nothing.
So, let’s keep going with such mess, shall we?
Have a nice day!