Entering the third month of this year, anxiety has been accompanying me a lot. Lots of worries about many things. One solved, another one came and so on.
Residency officially ended in the end of February. Another title behind the doctor’s name is a result of a long, hard, shitty, and rocky journey for the family. Having it ended safely and well is nothing but Allah’s mercy. Waiting for announcement for a year of WKDS is one of current biggest anxieties.
Easily being anxious over something is good and bad at the same time. The good part is detailed preparations in dealing with everything is a must for me. I’ll go until the deepest root if possible. Being certain until there’s no point missing and even if there’s one or two, it’s really beyond my control.
The bad part is most of the time, things don’t go worse than what I thought. ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ is not applicable for me. There’s no real happiness without proper amount of worriness.
Having lots of plans means more anxieties. But, don’t you know that having NO PLAN gives more of that feeling? It feels like you don’t have any directions where to go next, you don’t know where you’re heading to, and worse you don’t know where you will end up.
No matter how anxious it is to wait for and expecting something, it’s still better than having nothing to be waited for. Thus, “go with the flow” surely doesn’t work with me. I have to participate in deciding where the flow will go.
So, it seems being friends with anxiety is unavoidable. Quoting from Paulo Coelho :
Luckily, behind the biggest anxiety, I believe a greater power is there. The One who will take care the end result according to what fits and suits us the most.
Never alone and will never be left alone.
Breathe in, breathe out.