Posted in Thoughts

After Paris

August, 2017.

I have been living ‘uncomfortably’ comfortable after Paris was beautifully executed in last year. Having all three big dreams fulfilled was one of the greatest feeling I had as a human. Paris became my third and last twenties personal biggest dream to achieve. Then, when it was done, what’s next? Nothing.

And, with that, the emptiness attacked.

Less spiritful days, going through month by month by keep asking ‘what’s next’, and no satisfying answers came. Thinking about living the rest of time without having any specific dream is torturing. Of course, there’s Langit who makes another big purpose, but Langit is not a dream. She is my responsibility, whether I like it or not, I have to keep going.

I’d been thinking about going back to several places that once made me happy, but with current situation, it didn’t feel that appealing anymore. Those places like school and french course were only suitable for my carefree twenties. Not with my heavy and full of responsibilities thirties. I should find something else that is worth my time and energy better.

I am almost done with myself. I have no unfulfilled dream which I would regret not having it when I die. I had travelled quite a lot, I did my master degree abroad, I did my Hajj, I took care of my mother until her last breath, I am taking care of my father in his old age, I enjoy my current work and feel the satisfaction about that, I sleep, eat, and live safely and comfortably.

I have received a lot. It’s about time to return the kindness. Something that is worth my energy and my time shouldn’t be something that centered to myself. It should be bigger than that. I should upgrade definiton of work for myself too. Something that is not only about me, but more for others.

I have learnt a lot that work(s) is only meaningful if you have clear purpose and goals to be achieved. Without them, work feels like a routine to earn money, to pay those endless bills monthly, and wushh, it’s gone without a trace.

I’ve been craving for work that has some significant impacts for others and for myself to drag me out of my comfort zone. I want to do more than what I have been doing, I need to learn something new and exciting because I feel like I am done with my current lesson chapter.


October, 2018.

This writing has been saved in draft for almost a year. Somehow I couldn’t finish it because,wow, never knew starting and running a bussiness would be such headache and honestly, I felt it was too far from cool. Although it’s still a tiny one, but the problems to deal with were quite a lot. Dealing with employees, customers, the license owner, the struggle to make sales and getting customer, there were real battles.

There were times when I felt I really wanted to give up and just let it run with the flow, but, I just couldn’t do it. We have started and I want to see where this will be going to. If this one fail later, I need to make sure that I have done everything in my power to make this work.

Through this tiny bussiness, I now understand how safe it is to be an employee, not to say this to offend since I am still one too until now. You jusy have to do your work and every certain date you get your paycheck. Done. Meanwhile as a bussiness owner, I have been constantly insecure whether the sales could make it to pay all the salary and rent.

It’s been a year and progresses have been here. The old store has been renewed and among four first employees, three were not there anymore and it is okay. I also learn that people are replacable. Losing one, the other one will come. Of course it takes certain things to deal with new one, but, to keep someone who doesn’t want to stay or giving bad influence to the store culture, I prefer letting them go. I also decide to hire male employee only. Me as a woman is more than enough. The bussiness suits male more than female too.

Like almost everything in life, I take this one seriously too. Never missed a day visiting the store and checking the work result and doing quality control on each work given to the employees. Keep thinking and searching ways to improve sales, because this one should have real profit. Replying those inquiries, complaints,and sending notifications to customers, and dealing with monthly report.

Running this bussiness feels like having a second child. By having another child it means I have to sacrifice another thing too like cutting another working day so I can be more focused. There were times when I also totally cut any ties from dramaland. Watched not even one drama for months. The real life dramas had been more than enough at that time and there were times when I feel like resigning from this.

Maybe just like raising a child, first year is always the toughest, physically and emotionally taxing, and for me this one is no different. Entering the second year, it’s more comfortable for some part but I still couldn’t lose my guard. I always have this kind of feeling that when I am loose when it’s calm, I have to pay more during the storm.

Of course I don’t have to stand by all day during open hours, but I always come everyday before the operation hours. I am still dealing with stuffs when I am home or even during the trip. Yes, I keep dealing with this too when I was overseas.

I am pretty lucky to have this team with me who can be trusted with money and work and they have been very much reliable. Without them, I couldn’t do this at all. I could take few days off during my trip and having them report to me daily and so far it’s been running well. Alhamdulillah.

It’s too early to say this one a succesful one and almost never this one becomes something I boast about everywhere. It’s far from easy yet I am beyond grateful having this chapter full of new learnings in my life. When some statements above seemed saying that it’s really hard and far from pleasant, in fact, I enjoy many parts of this. I enjoys replying messages, explaining about things, showing what we have done, eventough the end is not always become sales, but It feels nice knowing I have helped someone with their curiosity.

In the end, hopefully this one gives more benefits to people who use our service and also the employees who work with us, and if it can touch more lives, then I would be much happier.

Wishing for more endurance to survive this and become better than before. Amin.


Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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