Impatient is my middle name when it comes to deal with (certain) small things. I always want to do it as soon as possible. Like finishing all the chores before lazying around, unpack the luggage until it’s safely restored to its place right after arrived home from travelling (even after 17 hours flight), love rushing things to get them done as soon as possible. But, funnily, it’s not applicable for doing monthly report. I don’t know why for this one, procrastinate has always been chosen.
Being impatient also becomes my strength and weakness in parenting. Thanks to this trait, I always left my house tidily before going out every morning. No dishes left on the sink. Langit could never leave home with an empty stomach and unbathed, even when we have six am flight. But, what I haven’t been so proud is the way I am doing it.
I couldn’t stand watching her chewing the food slowly, dress herself with so many things to do in between, doh, it makes my voice raise. I walk fast and she has to catch me often. I am the type of continously babbling mother when something doesn’t suit my way.
There were few recent situations that slapped me quite much. Some situations where it is clearly shown that parents are often so selfish. And it makes me wonder, what I have been doing as a mother other than scolding and asking her to do things?
Yesterday, I needed to buy a pair of shoes. I have been looking for it for days and still havent got the right one. My small feet is quite complicated. Having 35 shoes size is not normal here and for formal shoes, it’s pretty hard to find that size. I am quite desperate about this one due to certain family wedding in few weeks, and I think I don’t have a proper shoes that go well with the attire.
Other than the size, what makes it more complicated is my other term and condition which said it should be wearable daily after the wedding. So, rather than a selop, I want a black suede high heels, high enough to look good in kain, short and comfortable enough to use daily. To make it fussier, price is limited to certain range.
Ninety percents of my formal shoes are all european brands. Gabor, Bally, and two less famous names purchased in Paris. It’s simply because they have 35 size in their catalog and such brands couldn’t be found just anywhere. Only in specific shopping centres in the south. I couldn’t wait until next week because the traffic would be so unbearable after payday. So, yesterday was non-negotiable. For me who doesn’t like shopping around, more, going far just for a pair of shoes, this one must be that important and desperate.
Things often got so twisted when you want something the most. Right after arrived there, Metro was closed for renovation until June and the only option was Sogo. But, I know Sogo didn’t offer as many choices as Metro. The first round, several pairs caught my attention, tried it,but not that convincing to bring it to the cashier.
After some considerations, I decided to cross the street and looked for some alternatives in the next shopping centre. It was funnier that the very same thing happened here. Debenhams was no longer there, Sogo wasn’t there too and said they’ve been preparing for an re-opening in few months. It was a bit sad but my spirit and hope were still high. I returned to the first mall and visited Sogo once more, hoping this time the result might be different. Because I always believe, you might miss something on the first chance. That’s why second chance is always available in my dictionary.
But, sadly, the result didn’t change at all. After spent almost three hours, I decided to drive to another nearest Sogo. Things I do for something I really want.
It was at least a good choice to go before payday because the traffic was soo nice, that really kept my spirit high, haha. In twenty minutes, I had arrived to next Sogo. What made the spirit was even higher, this Sogo was much bigger and had more options. There would be at least one pair that suited my preference. I also had bargaining my self about the price. As long as it comfortable, a bit higher from the budget would be okay, knowing it would last longer too.
The hope was slowly getting lower when after few laps of searching in almost every table and brand available, many trials this and that, the right one was still nowhere to be found. Sometimes the size,sometimes the price, or sometime when the size and the price fit, it hurt and pressed the toes umcomfortably while wearing it.
It was a bit frustrating until at certain point I told my self, “come on, just settle for less with the closest suitable one. We have spent too much time on this. Just choose one”.
But then, just like what I had told my self and also for Langit later about marriage, I can’t settle for less. It’s better to wait longer and staying without it than settle for less just because you have to do it. Even when you are desperate enough.
I left another Sogo empty handed.
Gave up? Not yet.
I decided to find women shoes corridor stores and tried to find the one in every store. Then, the wait was finally over. I found the right one in the most unexpected place. Just as precise as I really wanted.
A simple black suede with proper heels 35 size shoes. Fit my feet beautifully, meet my budget perfectly.
I wore it right after asar prayer and it didn’t hurt at all. The right shoes won’t hurt your feet. A bit tiring about the heels maybe unavoidable, but it wont give any harms.
That is just like when you’re marrying the right person on the right time.
Now, the question is : who was the most patient one in this process?
I wasn’t. Langit was.
I was surely patient since I was the one who had the urge. But Langit had no advantage at all.
She had been following me since morning, taking care some works too before shoes searching, then stopped by at my father’s house after that. We just arrived home around 8 pm. Almost twelve hours outside and no single frowning and nagging along that time.
If I were her, I would have been lying on the mall floor and nagging my parents to go home after three hours. Just like what I did during her first field trip few weeks ago. I withdrew and asked permission to leave early after survived the crowd and the noise for four hours and took her home.
I apologized to her few times yesterday when she looked tired, but she coped up with that quite well. She tried many women shoes too, played with her toys, even tried several kids shoes on the last store when I found the one. The eyes said she wanted them too but since she knew and being told that she had her new shoes recently, she didn’t nag further.
When we arrived home, she asked me quietly, “can I have some chips? Satu aja,”. She asked for some Pringles chips she got from birthday goody bag that I have kept. It was reachable enough for her to take it, and it was actually hers too, but I banned her from eating it much. One until three pieces per two or three days would be fine but not everyday. She asked me on Friday and Saturday and I said no. I couldn’t say no for what she had been through yesterday. So, permission granted.
I was busy taking care of clean laundry at rooms while she was watching and munching on the couch at the living room. After few minutes, when I was almost done with all the stuff and remembered to check her to make sure she didn’t keep eating it, I saw her just watching with the tiny piece of pringles on her hand.
She didn’t hold the tube at all. The pringles can was on the same place as I put it. It means, she just took few of those. And judging from the short interval time from asking permission until I watched her, she might really take it one single chip as she told me.
(Updated : two days later she asked me again for another chip. She said one. This time I really watched her and it still surprised me that she really took literally one then returned the tube to its original place. After that, she ate the chips little by little. But never asked for more).
I am a bit ashamed to say I am really proud of her.
Being a geographically single parent for a year, surely took so much patience and I have done it well, but compared to this little girl, my patience level is still too low.
Glad we safely and sanely passed this one year.
I wont stop being impatient after this writing for sure, but hopefully being a bit more mindful about something that deserves being fussed.
Like just what I did before finished this writing.
Scolding her for breaking another plate. Not much, just enough.