Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

Midnight Rant

Woke up an hour before midnight, finished the cold spaghetti in the kitchen and one full circle of donut, without second thought. Brave woman, I know.

There’s always something about December that makes you want to reflect back about what life has brought to you for the whole year. Time when you can either feel everything runs too fast or such a great year it has been.

Everything related to raising Langit, it seems running too fast. I love rewatching her old pictures and videos and couldn’t help having that sudden anxiety feeling that she has grown up a lot. I have very little regret in raising her the way I do, at least until now. For the first time in five years of motherhood, this year might be the best report card I have ever received in this jungle.

To say such statement from my own point of view sounds so subjective, right? How can you measure such statement? What evidence to support such thing?

Among many other things I am clueless and incapable about, one thing that I know for sure is I want to give all my effort, time, and energy to raise my child by my own hand. Although I am lack in many things, but at least I am her mother. The least role model she could get and see at home are only from me and her father. Up until five years, she lives by the examples of her parents. Not strangers.

Saying I have received the best report card this year because some things I have seen in her daily life that seems to be already being part of her. Nothing like prizes, measurable achievements like winning a race or anything.

They are some intangible things like the way she apologizes when she feels doing something wrong, taking care and dealing with her own school stuff in the morning and knowing that we have to be hurry or we can be late, the way she tries to make the bed before going to school, sleeping by 8 pm every day without exception, go pee and brush her teeth by herself before sleeping, offer herself to wash her own lunch boxes.

The way she is coping up with the long hours of school five days a week, scootering to school in unfriendly weather happily, the way she loves reading and writing, keep practising often on her own, the way she hold herself from something that she is not allowed to, like eating chips other than weekend and always ask permission when she wants to do that, the way she always says thank you to the bus driver after getting off from the bus, the way she deals with a long day trip by scootering in freezing weather, which surely was totally uncomfortable, the way she eats properly with any kind of food served on her plate. We had Thai food for lunch and Libanais for the dinner on our Oxford trip, and she did them all without any signs of dislike. Raising a non-picky eater is one of my motherhood highlight so far.

It seems like a long list of small unimportant things right? But, it matters a lot for me because those are things that I consider important and want my child to master in her early age. Small things that mean a lot for the future years to come.

I believe we could never master big things when we never be able to accomplish the small ones. It’s the small habits in daily life that become our character. It’s those things you get from home since the very beginning. Things that can only be nurtured by the primary caregiver on early years of life at home. You can pay others to teach reading, writing, counting or any other skills by having twice a week lesson. But, no amount of money could do and any places to be to plant and grow such small habits other than at home.

Like the content in my bussiness development subject, to produce the product that you desire to have and to be, it’s strongly suggested that you go through all the process on your own. You decide the raw materials, the tools needed, the way to make it, and production timeline. Like four POAC steps in management, from planning, organizing, actuating and controlling, it’s you that should be fully in charged. You can outsource some parts, it’s unavoidable, no bussiness can survive alone, but, make sure you follow through the whole process. Even by doing all of that, it doesnt mean your product would be accepted by the market right away. It takes error and trial also a long journey to finally make a succesful product. You can define the characteristics of your own succesful product.

I guess that goes the same in raising a child.

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Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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