Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

Mixed Feelings of Turning Six

If you have mixed feelings about something, you feel both pleased and not pleased about it at the same time. I am filled with enourmous gratitude with everything about her since day one yet at the same time couldn’t help taking a deep sigh knowing the saying ‘children grow too fast’ is a truth.

She’s been growing faster than I could imagine within this one year. She’s been growing exponentionally in every aspect of herself. Physically, mentally, and I might say spiritually?

Physically, the most noticable is how her face has totally lost its baby-ish feature. Now I have a little pre-teen girl whenever I look at her.

She is now talking a lot, gaining more confidence in delivering her opinion, knowing what she wants, quite determined about that, arguing with us over every small routine that she should do, no more ‘nicely obedient’ baby, which in one side is a good news for us.

She even starts questioning something that I couldn’t imagine a 6yo me would ask such as :

“Why are we moslem?”

“Why we have to pray?”

Such a headache, I know.

The questions. Not her.

In one year, she transformed to be a pianist, a quite good one if I must say. Not the prodigy level but at least, far much better than her mom at her age. A diligent Quran reader, yes, she is reading the quran already and doing her five times prayer steadfastly. I am more than happy for this.

I have been witnessing the impact and result of doing daily practice for two ultimate things and focus on to where our energy flow. For piano and Quran, I apply no zero days, unless something major happened.

Instilling habits on the children depends a lot to the parents’ consistency and it’s far from easy. Earlier you start, the better result. We had bad days, hard song or surah to practice but, the only thing we should do is just keep going. I am so grateful that she has the same level of resilience and persistence as I do.

I dont have much to brag about myself, but I am happy and confident enough to say both are two of my best qualities and hundred times happier that they are on my little girl’s blood too. Hopefully, more strength will be given as the job is getting tougher and harder.

Apart from the hardworks, as she is heading to the last year of her first seven years, I can look back without regrets. I think she has been doing her first stage of life to the fullest. She has been happy and healthy, she eats and sleep well, she has been playing everywhere, experiencing any kind of weather, enjoying many playground around the world, dealing with her difficulties on her own at school, I really hope she keeps growing to be more secured and accept herself with all her strengths and flaws.

On the other side, if I look forward, I have (too much) worries about many things she has to deal with in the future. It breaks my heart everytime my overthinking thought takes over my mind.

I realize that raising a child is a marathon not a sprint. Measuring their growth and worth is not applicable in short run. A child can do well now, but it’s not granted later. Just like flowers, some bloom in spring while other bloom in autumn. Comparing one to another is totally useless as they have different land, water, and sunshine to grow.

I fully understand how little control we have about everything in life, and that’s including our child’s life. I keep reminding myself that her life is hers, not mine. Our job now is to prepare and help her to build her own life later, not build the whole thing for her.

There was one playground session last month which gave a good lesson for me and her. It was in the Peckham Rye Common where the slide for bigger kids has some challenges before they could slide down. They have either climbing the rope to the top or balance walking on it to the slide.

She was too scared because it was pretty high yet too curious to skip the slide. She kept trying and failed. Even ended up with tears. In one trial, she had climbed to the top but had no idea or too scared to lift her body to the slide since she had to move her feet from where she stood.

She was stuck for few minutes and made the other child below her wait. But, the nice thing here, no one pushed, screamed or yelled at her to make her go faster. Everyone waited patiently. Children and their parents. Until a boy came and climbed quickly to the top, then he pulled her safely so she could slide down.

Did she give up after that? No.

She started again from the beginning when there was no one, then until in one trial, she made it all by herself until the end.

It was one of the enlighting moments showed that the children would have to deal with their own dificulties and there’s nothing we could do as their parents, no matter how much we want to help them. No matter how much I wanted to make her ride that slide, I couldn’t do anything other than cheering for her from ground. The only way to ride the slide was by overcame her own fear, used her brain and strength until she made it. Or else, just went home without nothing.

Thus, I always pray to be given enough time and patience to prepare her with the right tools and attitude, for her to deal with many more obstacles in the future. Hope we the parents, could always be her safe and secure base to return to after fighting with the world outside.

Asking guidance and forgiveness from the Creator is continously done without the slightest doubt. Because this one is a tough job which I am often clueless and lose patience for countless time.

If there’s one thing that puts me at ease, it is that the fact she’s always find her way. In everything. From the small thing in daily life to a big thing as big as ‘finding her way’ to her DLD.

Hope she will continue to try her best in everything she does, protected in every step she takes, keep happy, healthy and be kind in whatever she becomes of.


Happy birthday, Langit Senja.

I am so proud of you.

Although you know it already, saying it again won’t hurt.

I love you.


Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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