These days it feel like living a throwback few years ago. The uncomfortable days of having constant thought called “What’s next?”.
This time, it even feels more intense because it wrapped with guilts and insecurities. Guilty about being far above ‘fine’ during this unprecedented year, insecure about the next things to do personally. I have several choices but dont really know how to start. Or maybe, still not really sure about starting it. I feel like torn between upgrading what has been running or starting new from the scratch.
I often wonder whether it is the side effect of staying at home all day with the little girl and it will be more months to go, or maybe another year? Even scarier knowing being outside, meeting with people is also not so recommended thing to do.
Unlike the last six months in London where I felt safe and so relieved being outside, here in Jakarta, whenever I am outside, I feel like my temperature rises and unwell. I continously keep reassuring myself everytime I go outside that I really have to do this and it’s for something essential.
After more than a year of absence from driving, I couldnt believe what a day of driving did to my body. No matter what the advertisings out there said, age doesnt lie. I felt like need two days rest after one day driving. How I missed reliable public transportation in London!
I am worried about many things and as always, it made me read more. As a result, I ended up with more worries. Blimey!
But, I took a tiny step today. For the first time in 10 years and months of consideration, I finally decided to upgrade the blog to a paid one for a simple reason : I want more of unposted London pictures in my blog and I need more storage for that.
For someone who’s too careful about money, deciding to spend money on something that could be done for free, then it must be really important. Thus, it took me months to come at such decision.
Congratulations on finding a tiny way out from your labyrinth, dear self.
Keep figuring out the rest of your homeworks.