Posted in Thoughts

Prolog : The Stockdale Paradox

If others hope for great days and full of good things in the new year, I prefer going to the opposite.

Instead of thinking that better days are coming, the thought of let’s keep the seat belt fasten is much more soothing. It makes the brain and the heart dont lose the guard, keep alert, keep looking for the way out, stay firm and discipline to prepare for the worst.

If anything 2012 taught me, it was living with The Stockdale Paradox mindset, especially in abnormal situation or when life pushes you to face something that you have no experience which doesn’t give you the option to retreat and survive is the only way out.

The Stockdale Paradox in Jim Collins Good to Great book said :

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

The Stockdale Paradox is a survival mindset. I had been through a lot and survived with this. In 2014, once we knew we were expecting, the first thing we did was preparing the fund for c-section. That time, one was working part time, while the other one was a student with small income. We had no insurance to cover monthly check up, nor the delivery. We covered everything on our own expense.

We chose the hospital carefully, not the cheapest one, but the most comfortable one within our budget. We worked hard and saved religiously. But, was it running smoothly?

Of course, it wasn’t even close.

I had to be hospitalized once even only for two days. High d-dimer forced us to spend our saving for some expensive medecines during pregnancy.

No matter how much we prepare for c-section, it would be so hard on us financially after that. But then, the mantra has always been :

“Let’s always prepare for the worst and let Allah take care the rest”.

In the end, Allah really took care the rest as I once wrote in this post.

In 2020, the toughest event that we had to face is flying long haul during this pandemic situation. Scared is an underrated term to express this.

Been researching all about this for months. From the airline to the exact day to fly. I no longer chose the cheapest one, but the safest and most comfortable one within the budget.

If there was something that feared me most, it was other’s review about how unpleasant the treatment they experienced in Soetta. Unfriendly officer, disrespectful army men, even worse when it was crowded. I had all the worst case scenarios in my head.

But, there was nothing I could do about that other than asking The Most Powerful to take care the rest.

And that day, here is the picture when we arrived that Friday afternoon :

Soetta is far from crowded.

In fact, it was totally empty.

We met friendly officers, from immigration check to health counter, everything went smoothly until the end. I couldn’t describe how grateful I was for that day.

Next week and few weeks after would be the first uneasy battle to survive, among many we might (or would) face this year. Facing the battle that no one would know what the price to pay in the end. Sometimes, I think my heart couldnt handle this anymore. But there’s nothing I can do other than to deal with it.

No flowerly words needed for this new year. Surviving January alone safely means a lot and enough for me.

Remember, we are in no better situation regarding the pandemic in this country than few months ago. Since 10 months ago to be precise.

It’s bad. It’s getting worse and the worst part is hoping this will end in anytime soon is such a false hope.

Bonne année à vous!

Stay safe and stay sane.


Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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