Posted in Thoughts

The Rain in June

This June feels so much longer than the whole year. It’s been raining for weeks. The situation outside is bad and unfortunately, the inside one is pretty heart-breaking too.

At the beginning of this year, I have known that 2021 would be tens times tougher than 2020. Only no idea how tough is tough. But maybe, things that happened so far up until 25 days of June could show it.

The virus started getting closer to the closest inner circle possible. It started with an uncle. He has been staying in the hospital for almost a month. Few weeks in ICU, and thankfully he’s recovering. Hopefully, he could return safely home soon.

It was only two days ago when June striked with another news. This time is my father. There were so many mixed fellings towards this news. Angry and frustrated were two of them.

Angry because I had, continously, repeatedly, giving him reminder, warning, or whatever you call it, to not take things for granted. To not overlooked the vaccine he receieved, to not loosen the guard by going to the places that potentially give him a chance to contact the virus. I told him not to go to the mosque anymore, not to go to the office, because he has that choices. I was angry because he kept doing all those despite witnessing everything that happened .

But more than angry, the frustration is bigger. Because there’s almost nothing I can do to help. I could help with helping some instructions but,really couldn’t anything more than that. One thing that is still being grateful for, he’s been fine so far. Almost no symptoms.

At the day we received the news at night, we planned to visit his house in the afternoon. The old carpet in the living room was sent for laundry and I needed another. I was thinking whether to buy new one or to take my old carpet from the storage at my father’s. Finally we decided we would look the new one first within the budget at the store downstairs, then if we didn’t find any, we would go there.

We found a good one at the store with reasonable price so we canceled the plan to visit his house.

But, the rain didn’t stop there. The following day, the doctor receieved some news that two of his colleagues whom he met in the common room last Monday tested positive. For countless times, he signep up for another PCR test yesterday. The result came this morning and if there’s any words bigger and higher than gratitude, I will use it for every negative result that we have receieved so far.

These days, we need more of negativity than positivity in a literal meaning.

There was one question asked by the little girl one day,

“Mommy, why do you do your last sujud so long?”

It‘s been more than a year, having the doctor deal with (covid) patients daily in the hospital, which something that we couldn’t opt out, whether in London, especially in Jakarta, the only choice other than doing things that we can control, is asking for The One who has control on everything, for the utmost protection from any dangers, any diseases, our own unintended mistakes and also…

Other’s negligence.

My sujud won’t get any shorter until further notice.

Stay vigilant and stay safe.


Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee

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