Today, during school from home morning circle, the little girl learned that people would break her heart, made her upset and cried hard, although it was unintentional, and there was nothing she could do to avoid that, no other way than to deal with it, on her own. Those around her could soothe her for a while, but the rest, she had to figure it out herself because it’s her who felt it inside.
A simple thing like when someone forgot to call your name during attendance list and gratitude book reading could turn to be something big. It was far from simple when you had waited for your turn patiently, you had prepared your line carefully, heard that even others who hadn’t prepared at all being called twice, you expected that your turn would come soon and suddenly it said it was done.
I encouraged her to speak up about that. I told her to unmute herself and say it loudly, although it was with trembling voice and teary eyes that she said she hadn’t got her name called. Some excuses given from the other party, but it didnt make things better of course.
Apology sent to me but it was actually the little girl who needed to hear it. I replied the text and stressed how big and important this thing for us and reminded to pay careful attention so there would be no second time for this, to anyone, for whatever reasons. On the other hand, she kept asking whether the person was really sorry or had already said sorry.
Being confused was totally understandable. Here at home, we (always try to) apologize properly, discuss it, explain the whys, but we couldn’t ask other to do the same. Apology is not something that you ask from other people. It was given from someone who feels it’s the right thing to do after a mistake.
In the society where basic courtesy like thank you and sorry are not trained properly and not considered mandatory, it’s hard to expect such decency. Even worse, mostly think children don’t deserve a sincere apology.
At times like this, what helps a lot is to have proper time and space to process everything, to explain thoroughly so having acceptance would be easier. I am glad I was with her when such things happened.
As we make journaling into a routine, she also managed to pour her feelings into ‘long’ writing. The longest she has written so far.
It was not my first time dealing with this, been through worse, yet, it was still heart-breaking to see your child hurt.
There’s always homework to do in any stages of motherhood you go through.
Emotional regulation is our main subject which comes with bulk of tasks and lots of unannounced tests, for now.
But then, there’s nothing much that will kill you.